My Sister's Boyfriend And His Portalet Fetish

NYDN – The Colorado Porta-Pervert has finally come clean. Luke Chrisco, 30, a lanky local wingnut and aspiring New Age gigolo in Boulder, Colo., admitted he crept into the basin of a portable toilet during a yoga festival earlier this month to spy on women. “I was…doing a little bit of yoga, and I’m just seeing all these goddesses,” Chrisco said during a jailhouse interview with FOX31 Denver. “It seems crazy, but I just felt like I was being blessed by their energy.” The Peeping John admitted to watching several women before getting caught – at one point hopping from an unused toilet to a “busy one” in order to catch more women during private moments. Chrisco said he’s been a serial peeper for years, and insisted that the latest spying session wasn’t as stomach turning as it seemed. “There’s bacteria in there, but to me it’s just normal…we all have bodily fluids,” he told the station. “It seems terrible, but it didn’t actually smell that bad or anything. “I still would have done it even if it smelled a little weird, because where there is muck, there is gold,” he said. Chrisco told Boulder’s Daily Camera that he started spying on women while traveling through Europe several years ago. He and some friends went to a recreation center in France, where he snuck into the girl’s locker room and hid inside a broken vent. “These chicks started showing up that I never had a chance with,” he told the paper. “But I figured at least I can see them change or something. I’ve come to know how interesting they are.” The Grand Junction, Colo. native also allegedly ran several porn websites out of a hostel he was living in near University of Colorado and advertised his services as a male escort, alternatively using the noms de porn, “Skye Oryan” or “BunnyMan.” “I wanted to start a new goddess religion,” he told the Camera. “I always wanted to be a pimp or create a church of porn or a church of tantric, someplace people could be spiritual but also instinctual.”

I'm like 93% sure this is my sister's boyfriend. Looks just like him and the dude just moved out west. Not even mad at him, never been so proud of my sister in my life.

Tony Parker Crushing Slit Again

So apparently Tony Parker, 29, is smashing gens with 20 year old beauty queen, well who gives a fuck what her name is. Until today I hated this dude, just thought he was a smug, pussy frenchmen, who also played for the smug pussy Spurs which did not help his cause. Going around using weak ass French words that dumb broads get wet over, basically trading his manhood for some easy hole. Kind of a gayer version of Curt if you know what I'm throwing down, maybe it's possible?. Then he smashes Brent Barry's wife, at which point I'm thinking, this dudes a prick, but maybe he's not a pussy after all. Well now he's taken a page out of Tiger Woods book, just going on an offseason tear that Rae Carruth could appreciate. And now it hits me, the dude is black right? Like I let the whole French thing fool me, throw it out the window dude is black. Doesn't matter that he was raised in the weakest society on the planet, the guy lives for white girls. Probably crushes Popeyes too, sure as hell beats Escargot (Google it). If there's one species I admire it's the black dudes that will smash any white girl that looks in their direction and not give a hot fuck what anyone thinks about it. In Sir Parker's case they're all smokes, so here's to you Sir Parker. Do you.

Drunk Pic of the Day

If the only way to be on a golf cart is not passed out with an empty bottle of Burnetts with a BAC higher than your freshman GPA, then there is no way to be on a golf cart. Guarantee when he woke up he made it home safely without Ryan Dunn'ing 3 other people in his golf cart. Bro is a straight pro.

*Want to nominate one of your douche bag friends for Drunk Pic of the Day? Send nominations to 4ourhorsemen4@gmail.com and we'll embarrass the shit out of them.

Straight Killing the Kenny Chesney Concert

So the Kenny Chesney concert at River Bend tonight looks like it's a good time. You'd have to search long and hard to find me a guy that is murdering a Thursday night as much as this guy. First of all, you gotta work long and hard to get a body like that guy has, and then you have to have balls of steel to go out in public without a shirt on. This guy would be beating broads off with a stick if he was wearing those fresh black boots with the matching hat and a shirt. But no, this guy takes it a step further with that killer tattoo of a Bud Light sixer on that bare chest the size of a quarter barrel. It's really not fair to the other Cowboys at this show. Come on, Bro, leave some chicks for the rest of the guys at the concert. RiversBend is going to be under flood advisory from all the broads wetting themselves after seeing this guy stroll into the show.

Is it football season yet?

These are the new Cats jerseys for the upcoming season. It's what you get when you beat the shit out of Lousivlle 4 years in a row on your way to 4 straight bowl games. Apparently there 30% lighter and make you run faster than fuck. Is it football season yet?

Leave it to a Woman to Ruin a Good Time

Washington D.C. - A woman fell to her death from an upper floor of a hotel across from the White House grounds late Wednesday night, authorities said.
Witnesses told a police officer that the woman had been drinking at the bar on the rooftop patio of the W hotel, and that she climbed over a fence on the patio.
The boutique hotel, at 515 15th St. NW, is across from the White House, and the rooftop bar there is a popular attraction.

I've never been to the W hotel or its rooftop bar, but if there's one thing I know, it's that it doesn't get any better than sitting outside and slamming Miller Lite's in the summertime. Add in sitting on top of a roof and slamming Miller Lites, and the party just got exponentially better. Even odds everyone up on that roof was having a grand old time that night, and then Tits McGee decided to hurl herself off the roof,  and the party died on the table.

Guarantee what happened here was one of two things: Either this broad was so broke that she was getting shot down left and right by all of the D.C. power brokers and decided to just take a jump over the fence. Or, this chick is actually decent looking and Congressman Weiner flashed her the goods and she was so turned off that she jumped off the roof. Either way, her decision probably just ruined the W Rooftop Bar for everyoen else for the summer.

America's birthday and fireworks

Here is exactly why I don't play with fireworks. One minute you're playing beer pong and passing around a bottle of Burnetts finest vodka, the next mintue your bro dares you to shoot a mortar out of your fucking asshole. No thanks, bro. I can hear it now, "Hey Catsby, you're such a fucking pussy for not wanting to shoot fireworks out of your asshole and burn the already limited flesh off your already small nuts, blah blah blah." When in fact, thats exactly why I don't want to play with fireworks. You could pretty much guarantee me a lifetime of sex with any of the Victoria Secret sluts and an endless bank account in the Cayman Islands and I'll take my asshole and fully fleshed balls as far away from the fireworks as possible. Call me a pussy all you want, but don't call me when you lose the only pair of balls you'll ever have and have to shit out of a tube the rest of your life.

Is this Little Kid Serious with that Weak Serve?

If you're going to upload a video about your son being some sort of tennis prodigy, then God damnit that kid better have a serve that rivals Roddick's. If I was on the baseline and little Matty here tried to lob one of those weak ass serves at me I would rip a forehand so hard at him he'd wish he was back in bed searching for Blue's Clues. And don't get me started on his return game. If he was lucky enough to get a racket on one of my serves, that lob return game just ain't gonna cut it when I'm standing there ready to hit a smash right back at your dome.

Becasue this is the problem with parents these days, just because their kid shows the slightest bit of talent at doing something the parents try to cash that ticket in the first chance they get. Parents now a days saw Earl Woods and Richard Williams berating  coaching their kids up to be millionaires and now think that every swinging dick 4 year old with talent is the next sports star. Color me unimpressed with this little 4 year old.