America's birthday and fireworks

Here is exactly why I don't play with fireworks. One minute you're playing beer pong and passing around a bottle of Burnetts finest vodka, the next mintue your bro dares you to shoot a mortar out of your fucking asshole. No thanks, bro. I can hear it now, "Hey Catsby, you're such a fucking pussy for not wanting to shoot fireworks out of your asshole and burn the already limited flesh off your already small nuts, blah blah blah." When in fact, thats exactly why I don't want to play with fireworks. You could pretty much guarantee me a lifetime of sex with any of the Victoria Secret sluts and an endless bank account in the Cayman Islands and I'll take my asshole and fully fleshed balls as far away from the fireworks as possible. Call me a pussy all you want, but don't call me when you lose the only pair of balls you'll ever have and have to shit out of a tube the rest of your life.