UC vs. NC State Preview

I literally know nothing about this UC team. They've beat up on St. Rita's School for the Blind and Little Sisters of the Poor, but then played a real team and got beat like they stole something. No score from this game tonight would surprise me. NC State took it to our Cats last year, so maybe a little bit of payback is on their mind. Who knows. What I do know is that NC State has some thing called the Krispy Kreme Challenge every year in which you have to run 2 miles to a KK, house a dozen hot and glazed donuts, then run another 2 miles back to the starting point. All of this must be done in under an hour. Sounds fucking miserable. I'd rather spend my 60 minutes playing Power Hour taking a shot of beer every minute, but I guess that's what they consider fun down in Raleigh.

On a side note, all of this conference expansion noise is totally turning me off on college football right now. I can't help but think that UC is about to be the fat kid at recess who doesn't get picked when choosing sides for 2 hand touch football. I have this terrible feeling that UC is going to be sitting next to the other fat kid (South Florida), and the cool kids are going to pick USF and force UC to go play fucking tetherball with the band geeks and chess club. UC is about to become the NCAA equivalent of the world's tallest midget, and that is not what they call a good look.

Anyway, the 'Nip wll be rocking at 8:00 P.M. tonight on the World Wide leader and UC is giving 7.5 to the 'Pack. Butch Jones hasn't beaten an out of conference BCS school since he's been the head man in Clifton, so 7.5 is a little too much for me to lay:

The Pick: NC State +7.5 (Season ATS 2-1)

Troy Davis. Dead.

About time if you ask me.

Chick From Glee Gets Her Implants Taken Out

AOL NEWS- Glee' star Heather Morris, who plays the often underestimated dumb blond Brittany on the hit musical show, has admitted she went under the knife for breast augmentation surgery in the October issue of Fitness magazine.

Unlike her 'Glee' co-star Lea Michele, who rejected industry agents' demands that she get a nose job if she wanted to make it in showbiz, Morris did make the decision to have cosmetic surgery of her own. But, just as quickly as she got them, the dancer and actress revealed she discovered what a real pain her implants were, and got the falsies taken out!

Can't believe the udder dissapointment I have with this chick Heather Morris. You were all set. Ready to take your big hooters and acting career to the next level, and you go and get your tits taken out? Is that even legal? Like I'm pretty sure if God weren't pissed at you already for getting falsies, he would for sure be pissed at your for getting them taken out. You think any chick wants to be a part of the IBTC? For sure not. Get over yourself already. Better hope Glee stays on forever because there is absolutely zero chance you and your concave titties are getting nominated for an Academy Award any time soon.

Economics 101

Three-time Pro Bowl cornerback Chris McAlister(notes) has only been out of the game for a year, and already, he's telling the court system that he's broke.

McAlister is locked up in a child support battle with his ex-wife Marlene, and is trying to get his child support payments lowered. He currently owes her $11,000 per month. In documents filed to the court, claims he can't pay her because he doesn't have any money. From TMZ:

In the docs, Chris -- a 1st round NFL draft pick in 1999 who played in the league for 10 years -- states, "I have been unemployed since 2009. I have no income."

He adds, "I live in my parent's home. My parents provide me with my basic living expenses as I do not have the funds to do so."


Well looks like RBG's boy Barry O could use some advise from ole Toby in regards on how to fix this shit bomb we call the American Economy. You see the problem is most reasonably well educated adults tighten their wallets faster than a New York Jew when recessionary times present themselves. However, there is a sect of the American population that regardless of economic conditions will make money rain like hurricane Katrina on Jew Orleans. This of course is the sporting men of the NFL, and NBA. How many times have you heard of professional athletes making millions of dollars and just 5 or some odd years later they file for bankruptcy? Seems to me that instead of printing money and lending it to the banks, the government should lend it to Antoines "I only shoot fours" Walkers and Chis "I'm the black George Costanza" McAlisters. Talk about a stimulus plan, hell these two dumb fucks managed to earn $155 million combined and in less than a decade went tits up. Now Walker is trolling in the D league and shooting all the fours he wants with the Stampede out of the great state of Idaho. As for McAlister, he went from sippin purple juice at the finest strip clubs that Baltimore has to offer to living in his parent's basement. I'm sure he finds it tough to pay that $11,000 a month in child support when his only income comes from his parents in the form of allowance for taking out the trash and cleaning the dishes. I ask you Prez O, for your re-election hopes, give these people a billion each and we are headed for the fastest recovery since Toby's boy Reagan graced us with his presence. On second thought don't, four years has been plenty.

Hero Sticks up to Mugger, Gets Shot Twice in Arm

OVER-THE-RHINE – A man who was shot after he refused to give another person his beer Thursday night said he doesn’t regret standing up for himself.
“That would be a crime if I just let him  have the beer,” said Sean Owens, 29. “I doubt whether I would have given him the beer or not I would have left unscathed. I absolutely think I made the right decision.”
Police generally advise crime victims – particularly ones being robbed at gunpoint – to hand over whatever the suspect is demanding and not risk being hurt.
But Owens was walking home from work after picking up a few items at a grocery store about 7:15 p.m. Thursday when a man he did not know began following him.
The man trailed him into his apartment building in the 1200 block of Race Street and claimed to live there, too.
Once inside, the suspect demanded Owens’ plastic bag, which was holding a six-pack of beer.
“I refused to give him the beer,” Owens recalled. “I pulled out my phone to call the police. He made a play for the phone. There was a brief scuffle and then he decided to walk away and that’s when he pulled the gun. He shot me twice in the left forearm.”
The suspect took off without the beer.
Owens was treated and is expected to recover.
The incident hasn’t soured him on urban life. He said he loves Cincinnati and has lived downtown and in Over-the-Rhine for nearly 10 years.
“Random acts of violence such as this one can happen to anyone, anywhere, unfortunately,” Owens noted. “Considering all the progress that has been made in the city, I am certainly not going to let one unfortunate act sour me on the area of downtown and Over-the-Rhine and moving forward hopefully.”

I would love to tell you all that this is exactly how your boy would act in this situation, but as hard as this is to believe, the RBG would have given up his sixer of Heineken by the time this robber said "Give..." I'd have so much piss running down my leg the tenants downstairs would think my water heater exploded. And you know what? That is the exact play in this situation. I'd rather give up my six pack of beer than keep it and have two fucking holes in my forearm 764 times out of a hundred. Way to be a hero, bro and not give up your $6 worth of beer in exchange for $25,000 in medical bills. Run the math a little bit next time before you decide to be Billy Badass and stand up to the local gang bangers.

UK vs. UofL Preview

Let's put the game on back burner for a second and put all our attention on this fucking guy in a pink wife beater. Pretty sure wife beaters are only socially acceptable in 10th street Speedway. Not sure what this guy is trying to prove here. In no way, under any circumstance is a pink wife beater acceptable. You can't name me one setting where this shit can fly. Not one. Not even Holloween for fucks sake.

You know who the best player to ever play at Louisville was? Johnny Unitas, pretty fucking good. You know what his record was at Louisville? 12-19. That shit got him a statue in there new stadium. Dude won 39% of his games and got a fucking statue. That's something to celebrate.

Now, to the game *Bob Knight voice*. Both these teams came out shakier than Michael J. Fox in there first 2 games. The Dirty Birds lost to FIU (who have only had a football for 10 years) last Friday night at home. They will bring there 1-1 record into Commonwealth with hopes to snap a 4 game losing streak to our beloved Cats. Don't see it happening. The line has been floating anywhere from UK -5.5 to -7.5 all week. Currently it's at -6, I'll forrrr surrre take that.

Catsby's pick: UK -6 (Season record 1-2)

9/17 UK vs UofL 7pm on the ESPNU

I Need this Cell Phone NOW

It's one of the world's most expensive cell phones--and it can't even download your email.
Then again, you can't exactly expect an 18-carat gold mobile device to be cheap.
Designed by a the Copenhagen firm Aesir, the Æ+Y phone costs a whopping €42,000.00 (about $60,000), and doesn't even boast technological innovations like mobile Internet access or email. Instead its most advanced features include speed dial, a built-in calculator, and bluetooth connectivity.
However, the phone's designer claims to have intentionally excluded some more advanced features. From aesir.com:

In an age when the industry seems to think that phones aren’t for speaking anymore, I wanted to focus on the idea of voice, clarity and simplicity. The central tenet behind the Æ+Y is to literally craft the visual details, craft the functional tactility, and craft the user interface. The Æ+Y champions the idea of craftsmanship in an age that’s obsessed with more and making last year’s products obsolete. Instead we propose better and long-lasting as our starting criteria.

But there's little excuse for its dismal 5 hour battery time, writes Yahoo.com's Mike Wehner. The iPhone, by comparison, can get a whopping 11 hours, while the Motorola Droid averages about 14.
That's the price you pay for luxury.
The 18-carat gold model, which only 25 of will be sold, isn't the only version of the phone being sold. For lesser nobility there's also a stainless steel version that retails at $10,500. You can scroll down to see both versions for yourself.
However, this is far from the world's most expensive cell phone. That honor seems to go to the Goldstriker iPhone 3GS Supreme, which boasts a full body comprised of 22-carat gold, a 7.1 carat diamond for a home button, and costs roughly $3.2 million according to YourDigitalSpace.com.

God damnit, man this shit always happens to me. I go out and get a new phone like 2 weeks ago, and now all of a sudden it's already obsolete because some Copenhagen dickheads are making an 18-carat gold device. If you think that blinged out phone doesn't belong held up to the RBG"s ear then you're out of your fucking mind. You think I give a shit that this thing can't check my twitter feed? Who needs twitter when you're rolling around the bar like a boss sending out sexts like Goldmember dreams about from your $60,000 gold phone? Phone is legit, and unfortunately I just locked myself into a 2 year Verizon contract and won't ever have a chance to get one. 

UC vs. Akron Preview

So last week in Knoxville all the UT fans were making fun of us saying that our only celebrity was Nick Lachey, like that was some sort of an insult. You kidding, me bro? Nick Lachey is a fucking icon. That's not a put down, that's a compliment where I come from. So I was all set to rip on this one horse town of Akron for their only celebrity being Prince LeBrick James and he pretty much dropped his pants and took a big poop on the entire state of Ohio last summer, so he doesn't even count anyway. But then I was looking at their Wiki page and noticed that this piece of shit town produced the cowboy outlaw David Alen Coe. Bravo, Akro, bravo. I can't even hate on you right now. I will say though, that the Akron Zips football team is probably the worst Division 1-A team in the country so UC should roll early, rest the starters and get ready for a Thursday night game against NC State.

You know how in high school when you get so shitbombed on one type of alcohol that it almost ruins you from ever drinking that type of booze again? That's exactly how I feel about betting on the UC game this week after taking the money line last week. I don't know if I can even bet on them again. But the line is
-29.5, and I don't want to say it's a lock, but if UC doesn't cover 30 points against this team, then they might as well close up shop right now.

The Pick - UC -29.5 (Season record 1-1 ATS)

Game time is 3:30 at UC, on ESPN3.

Two Bros Reenact Weekend at Bernies with Friend

DENVER (CBS4) – Two men are facing charges in a crime that has family members shocked.

They are accused of putting their deceased friend into a car and then heading out for a night of bar hopping.

Jeffrey Jarrett died last month. The cause of Jarrett’s death is still being investigated.

Jarrett’s family is appalled by what happened. Two of his friends, Robert Young and Mark Rubinson, allegedly loaded his body into a car, hit a bar in Denver then another one in Aurora, before finally taking Jarrett, 43, home.

Rubinson, 25, and Young, 43, then ended their night at Shotgun Willie’s in Glendale, but without Jarrett. They then allegedly took $400 out of Jarrett’s account.

A member of Jarrett’s family, who didn’t want to be identified, said he was a loving father, graduate of Colorado State University and hockey player. She is devastated by the actions of Rubinson and Young.

“Taking a deceased person in a car, I mean, it just seems totally wrong,” said Jarrett’s family member.

Rubinson and Young face charges of abusing a corpse, identity theft and criminal impersonation. A relative said Young was living with Jarrett and came home on Aug. 27 to find him dead, but didn’t call for help.

This is exactly what I want my friends to do when I go down. Throw a Jimmy Buffet shirt and some dark Ray Bans on me and parade me around barhopping with you. I want to be propped up at my favorite watering hole for one last night on the town. Guarantee that's what these guys were doing for their friend, too. Guy probably was a huge Weekend at Bernies fan and was tring to swack Bernie's back to life game. I really hope these guys busted out a conga line with him, too. That's the ultimate sign of friendship right there. Because if there's one thing I know, it's that there is nothing more fun than one last night of bar hopping with your boys after you kick the bucket.

Female Airline Passenger Arrested for Sexual Assault...What?

Katherine Goldberg was flying from South Africa to London in August when she drunkenly assaulted a male crew member on the Virgin flight, a Northwest London court alleges.
The prosecutor in the case spells out the charges, the Telegraph reports:

She proceeded to sexually assault one of the crew members by demanding to have sex with him and grabbing his penis and crotch area. She was believed to have drunk at least 50 centiliters of whisky.

50 centiliters is more than 16 ounces, or a full pint of booze. She's been charged with sexual assault as well as being drunk on an aircraft.
While Goldberg's lawyer is working to secure a formal caution to avoid a full prosecution, he also indicated that a guilty plea may be forthcoming.

See this is exactly whath as happened to the airline industry. You want to know why you're losing billions of dollars, Delta? Probably because back in your hey day you used to provide certified smoke houses to get all of the businessmen tuned up on Woodford's Reserve. Nowadays, The only thing you can provide to us is extra charges for my bags, a 60 year old stewardess and a male flight attendant. No wonder no one wants to get on one of your flying death contraptions. Because the only reason that this male flight attendant didn't become the newest member of the Mile High Club (or whatever the metric equivalent is in Australia) is because he caught the gay. That's it. If this guy didn't have the gay, that drunken broad would have had a first class ticket to poundtown right in the lavatory like ya read about.

P.S. The only other excuse would be if this flight attendent is like me and scared to death of flying. Because there is no way that your boy would ever be able to get his Johnson to work whilst flying at 35,000 above solid ground. I've got about a thousand other things to worry about besides trying to get off while I'm on a plane. But obviously if this guy's a flight attendent he's not scared to fly.