Kid Going To Prison For 7 Cents

"A 15-year-old Syracuse boy will spend the next two to six years in juvenile detention and the rest of his life as a felon as a result of his sentencing today for a robbery that netted him and an accomplice seven cents. Onondaga County Judge William Walsh rejected a defense lawyer’s request to treat Anthony Stewart, of West Onondaga Street, as a youthful offender. That means his felony conviction will remain on his permanent record. Walsh said he might have ruled differently if Stewart had pleaded guilty, as did his accomplice, Skyler Ninham, 16. Earlier this month Walsh sentenced Ninham as a youthful offender to one and one-third to four years in state prison. Stewart, who is not old enough for prison, will be sent to a juvenile detention facility. Both Ninham and the 73-year-old robbery victim identified Stewart as a participant in the crime, Walsh said. “And yet you still denied it,” Walsh said to Stewart. “Well, that cost you.”

Apparently this is a big deal because this kid is going to jail and will have a felony on his record for the rest of his life, and all because he robbed someone for 7 cents. You don't wanna go to jail and be labeled a felon? Well then don't fucking rob people you stupid motherfucker. How are people seriously getting upset about this and defending this kid? Because it's 7 cents? Well if he would rob someone for 7 cents what the fuck would he do for $100? As far as I'm concerned this kid should be locked up for life. If you're gonna go stick a gun to someone's head for a nickel and two pennies then see ya in the dirt. Unless of course it's 7 pennies, because copper is worth millions these days and I would stab a baby girl for 7 pennies real talk. I guess I need more details to make a judgment here.

Unemployed Hillbilly Gives Back $150,000 He Finds In Backyard

I got an idea bro, instead of giving back $150,000, pay your water bill and go take a fucking shower. Seriously, when you're done with that you might as well get some dentures too. I know bitches love dudes with money, but 150 large aint exactly lasting until retirement. Unless you plan on giving gummies the rest of your life, go fill your mouth with chiclets.

I'm not even kidding when I say people who find large sums of cash and give it back fucking piss me off so much. What's the worst that can happen to you? This dude hasn't worked in 2 years so it's not exactly like going to jail is that much of a lifestyle change, it's more like a vacation. 3 meals a day, a shower, bed to sleep in, friend to play hide-n-seek with, doesn't seem all that bad. Best case scenario is you're $150,000 richer, and when you just spent your last 10 spot on Cowboy Killers, you can afford to play the odds in hopes noboody finds out.

Another Fight At a Fast Food Restaurant Ends the Same Way As the Others

What the fuck is going on in fast food restaurants these days. I swear to god everytime I search the 'net I come across some interracial brawl that inevitably ends with the whites getting there face kicked in. It's fucking clock work. I'm not sure what Jeremy Shockey here was thinking starting this shit. Do you not see the 3 blacks in there amped up on triple steak tacos and mountain dew ready to beat the living shit out of you? I mean I'm down with the philosophy that you have to punch first, that's rule numero uno in fighting, but you have to connect, simple as that. Can't just roll in throwing fists blindly bro, that shit ends up with you getting your face pummeled 1000 out of a 1000 times.

P.S. I'm pretty sure he was knocked out on 3-5 different occasions. Just play dead already you fucking idiot.

Lunch-Line Bullies Can be Sent to Jail In New Jersey

Under a new state law in New Jersey, lunch-line bullies in the East Hanover schools can be reported to the police by their classmates this fall through anonymous tips to the Crimestoppers hot line.

Philip W. Nicastro, vice president  of Strauss Esmay Associates, a firm that provides training programs for school districts, at an antibullying presentation.

In Elizabeth, children, including kindergartners, will spend six class periods learning, among other things, the difference between telling and tattling.

And at North Hunterdon High School, students will be told that there is no such thing as an innocent bystander when it comes to bullying: if they see it, they have a responsibility to try to stop it.
But while many parents and educators welcome the efforts to curb bullying both on campus and online, some superintendents and school board members across New Jersey say the new law, which takes effect Sept. 1, reaches much too far, and complain that they have been given no additional resources to meet its mandates.
The law, known as the Anti-Bullying Bill of Rights, is considered the toughest legislation against bullying in the nation. Propelled by public outcry over the suicide of a Rutgers University freshman, Tyler Clementi, nearly a year ago, it demands that all public schools adopt comprehensive antibullying policies (there are 18 pages of “required components”), increase staff training and adhere to tight deadlines for reporting episodes

If a lunchline bully is what I think it is, then this is just absolute garbage. A lunch line bully is someone who just cuts everyone and goes straight to the trays and silverware right?  Since when is it illegal for the popular kids and jocks to cut all the nerds and underclassmen? I'm telling you right now if Kentucky adopted this shit when I was in high school I would have been a three strike offender after the first week of school and probably sentenced to life in jail. When that lunch bell rang there was a less than zero percent chance that the RBG was willing to wait in line for 15 minutes behind the chess club for my Fiesta Stix. Walked straight in there bullying people out of my way til I found a group of my friends at the front and scored me a plate full of turkey tetrazini like ya read about.

P.S. Here are the 5 best high school lunch foods, and there is no debate over this:

1.  Fiesta Stix - Stuff some cheese in there, little hot sauce, unbeatable.
2.  Spaghetti w/ Meat Sauce - garlic stix dipped in that sauce was the shit.
3.  Grilled Cheese and Vegetable soup - Might be controversial here, but those grilled cheeses slathered in butter and dipped into the vegetable soup were fucking fire, you know and I know it.
4.  Turket Tettrazini - I have no clue what it is or what was in it, but that one day a month when it was served always got an asterisk on my calendar.
5.  Roast Beef w/ mashed potatoes - Pretty much speaks for itself

And any of you who say pizza cracks the top 5 are absolutely insane, high school lunch pizza was like eating cardboard with red finger paint and mozzarella on top of it.

Cop Busted Having Sex On Car

Forget about the cop bangin the lady on the hood of the car, does anyone want to go after the real criminal here? How about that pervert Meerkat at the bottom of the picture watching that shit from like 4 feet away? Pretty sure that's like stalking or trespassing or something. Everyone player hatin on this cop just because unlike every other cop in America some bitch wants to bang him, no one even mentions this pervert standing there poppin a nut out of his red rocket onto this cops leg. Just because a cop is committing like a class D misdemeanor doesn't mean all bets are off and you can go around committing 1st degree felonies you goddamn snake eater.

Thieves Wreck Jeep Into Beauty Solon and Steal Hair Exetensions

ATLANTA (WLS) - Forget robbing the bank. These days, the big money is in beauty salons and their stash of human hair extensions.

The most recent heist occurred Tuesday when thieves crashed a Jeep into Angie's Beauty Supplies in Atlanta. Video showed the culprits head straight for the shop’s most expensive fake tresses.

“The suspects took an undetermined amount of hair extensions and other items prior to leaving the store,” said Atlanta Police Officer Kim Jones. The thieves left the Jeep in the store.

Shit is starting to hit the fan in the worst way. Earthquakes on the east coast, hurricanes in Jew York City, pruning shears through old dudes eye sockets, and now people are robbing beauty salons for fucking hair extensions? I mean I know times are tough, but have we really hit rock bottom to the point we are driving Jeeps into buildings to steal weaves? These things must be made of gold. It's like fuck my Grand Cherokee, I need my weave and I needed it yesterday.

P.S. I'm not even blaming the broads that did this. If there's anything worse than being poor it's being poor and ugly. Just an absolute recipe for social disaster and there's no two ways about it.

P.P.S Hair extensions are fucking gross. I'd rather bang a bald chick than have her shit fall out while doing the mattress momba.

Gaga Wore a Prosthetic Dong at the VMA's

Little monster in her pants!
Lady Gaga pulled out all the stops to become male alter ego Jo Calderone at the MTV Video Music Awards in L.A. Sunday.
The pop provocateur (real name: Stephanie Germanotta), 25, didn't just wear men's clothing (including Armani men's underwear) and fake stubble in her "drag king" get-up: To complete the gender-bending transformation, Gaga wore a prosthetic penis, an insider confirms to Us Weekly.
The "You and I" singer stayed in character throughout the night at the Nokia Theater.
"I am from New Jersey," Gaga as Jo told Us backstage. " My family is from Palermo, Sicily and I am not a singer or a model or an actor or anything. I am just a guy."
And "Jo" had high praise for fellow pop star Britney Spears, one of the night's honorees, who rejected Jo's sexy advances onstage. "She is f***ing hot. Didn't you j*** off to Britney when you were a kid?"
I'm so totally flaburgasted by this whole situation. Gaga was definitely one of my chicks until I saw her prancing around like Danny fucking Zucko the other night at the VMA's. I just decided to let it slide and move on with it. Now come to find out she was rocking a fucking rubber johnstone in her pants talking about taking her hand to pound town thinking of Britney Spears while playing some sort of alter ego. Does that make me gay ipso facto? I'm totally confused, I'm starting to feel like the Sundance Kid over here. Just blew my fucking my mind. But this does bring up a pretty solid question: Who is the better looking Gaga with a dick? The picture I posted above, or this

I'm taking the second picture every day of the week, twice on Sundays and four times today.

86 Year Old Man Impaled by Pruning Shears

The Telegraph- An 86-year-old Arizona man is lucky to be alive after he accidentally impaled himself with pruning shears.

Leroy Luetscher was working in his back garden when he dropped a pair of pruning shears, which landed point-side down in the ground.

When Luetscher went to pick them up, he lost his balance and fell face-down on the handle. The handle penetrated his eye socket and went down into his neck, resting on the external carotid artery. Half the shears were left in his head, while the other half was sticking out.

This is exactly what happens when old people think they're still a valuable part of society. They end up with a set of fucking pruning shears through there eye socket nestled up next to there carotid artery. It's like Bro, you're 86, sit back in your rocking chair and read the Morning Gazette and leave the pruning shears to people who weren't born before WWII. I understand you're trying to help. Probably haven't done anything valuable since you helped invent the Model T, or spit balled ideas with Eli Whitney over a few whiskey neats, but once you hit 70 just do yourself a favor and give up on all things labor intensive.

Javaris Crittenton Arrested For Murder

SANTA ANA, Calif. (AP) — Former NBA player Javaris Crittenton, who was suspended from the league for having guns in a locker room with teammate Gilbert Arenas, was arrested Monday in Southern California to face a murder charge in a deadly Atlanta shooting. Crittenton was taken into custody at about 8 p.m. at John Wayne Airport in Orange County after checking in for a Delta Air Lines flight to Atlanta, FBI spokeswoman Laura Eimiller said. Eimiller said he was arrested without incident by FBI agents with assistance from the Orange County Sheriff's Department. Authorities were trying to determine whether Crittenton will make an initial appearance in federal court, or be taken directly to Atlanta to face state charges there. "He offered to turn himself in," lawyer Brian Steel told The Associated Press earlier Monday. "He's not guilty. We look forward to getting it to the courts." The Atlanta Journal-Constitution first reported that Crittenton planned to surrender in Atlanta. Police earlier obtained a murder warrant for Crittenton in the Aug. 19 shooting of 22-year-old Jullian Jones, a mother of four young children. Police say Jones was walking with two men when she was shot and they believe one of the men with her was the target. Police spokesman Carlos Campos on Friday said the motive appears to be retaliation for a robbery in April, in which Crittenton was a victim. When asked about Steel's statement that Crittenton planned to surrender, Atlanta police didn't confirm it. "Mr. Crittenton is wanted for murder," Sgt. Curtis Davenport said late Monday. "We will be pleased when he is taken into our custody in a peaceful manner." When he was with the Washington Wizards in December 2009, Crittenton and Arenas had a dispute over a card game on a team flight. Two days later, Arenas brought four guns to the locker room and set them in front of Crittenton's locker with a sign telling him to "PICK 1." Crittenton then took out his own gun. Crittenton pleaded guilty in January 2010 to a misdemeanor gun charge and received a year of unsupervised probation. Arenas entered his guilty plea on Jan. 15. He served a short time in a halfway house. Steel said he was retained by Crittenton's family on Monday morning, and was in contact with Fulton County District Attorney Paul Howard and the FBI Fugitive Task Force to make arrangements for the former player's arrest. "They asked that he come to Atlanta, and we said 'no problem,'" Steel said. Crittenton is on the roster of the NBA developmental league's Dakota Wizards.

I honestly didn't even know Crittenton was wanted for murder until yesterday. Then today I see that he was arrested in Atlanta's airport. Nice hiding spot bro. Anyways, I think the real story here is Arenas laying his guns out and telling Crittenton to "Pick 1." Uh what if he picked 1 and shot you with it since you left it in front of his locker? Obviously killing people isn't something he has any reservations about. No wonder most NBA players go broke right after their career, they're obviously dumber than fuck. These two idiots gotta take the cake though. I wish more NBA players could be like Delonte West. Keep your guns in a guitar case you idiots, and don't pull out a gun on your team's star player, just fuck his mom while the team is at the club and you're stuck in the hotel because you are required by law. Charlie Redz is playing chess while these two idiots are playing life in prison and Agent zero endorsements.

Dude Has Sex With Slutty Raft

HAMILTON, OH (FOX19) - According to the Journal News in Butler County, a Hamilton man was arrested after being accused of engaging in sexual conduct with a pink blow up swimming pool raft. Edwin Charles Tobergta, 32, has been repeatedly arrested for public indecency. Tobergta was arrested at his home early Sunday morning. Witnesses tell police the incident happened in an alley behind his home. The owner of the raft reported to police that the suspect took the raft with him after being shouted at to stop. The suspect told police that he did commit the act and that he has a problem and needs help. Tobergta has been arrested at least five times previously for similar offenses, according to Hamilton Municipal Court records. He was indicted in May 2010 for tampering with evidence and possessing criminal tools and after a July 2008 conviction for public indecency, he was sentenced to community control and required to seek mental health services.

Look at those two and tell me that's not a match made in heaven. If there's one thing I know about women it's that they love bad boys. So don't sit here and try to tell me that our buddy Edwin is to blame here. This slut saw this rough and rugged dude hangin out in the alley and flashed him the goods, no doubt in my mind. And I would have done the same thing if I was in his shoes. Something about girls wearing pink that makes me think they are hotter than they actually are. Put any other color on this bitch and she's a 6 at best. But look at that picture right now and tell me with a straight face she's not at least an 8.5. Thanks to Michelle for the tip.

Dr. Evil Henchman Random Task Convicted of Torture

It took two decades, but the law finally came down on Joseph Hyungmin Son.

The actor best known for playing Dr. Evil's shoe-throwing henchman Random Task in 1997's "Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery," was convicted of torture Thursday in Santa Ana, Calif. in connection with a 1990 Christmas Eve gang rape of a woman who was out walking her dog.
Here's what happened.
A Santa Ana jury found the 40-year-old Son guilty of one felony count of torture stemming from his arrest on Oct. 7, 2008 on an outstanding warrant. He faces a maximum sentence of 15 years-to-life in state prison come sentencing Sept. 9.
The rape occurred on Dec. 24, 1990 at approximately 12:30 a.m. when the unidentified victim was walking back to her apartment alone with her dog after going to look at Christmas lights with a relative and friend.
Per the Orange County District Attorney's Office, Son distracted the woman by asking for directions and pretending he was lost. Son and co-defendant, Santiago Gaitan, then dragged her to their car and threw her in the back. After pistol whipping her and telling her they were driving to Compton, the men instead drove to Huntington Beach where they raped her repeatedly, sodomized her and forced her to give them oral sex.

Can't say I'm surprised with this revelation one bit. You go around working for an evil company like Virtucon for long enough something's got to give. It's only so long that you can work for a psycho like Dr. Evil before next thing you know you're kidnapping some chick on Chirstmast Eve and raping and sodomizing her and getting convicted of torture. Can't be long now before Mustafa, Frau, and Number 2 are all locked up with him.

Bieber is Such a Fucking Boss

God damnit, Bieber's got so much fucking swag it hurts. It's Bieber's world and the rest of us are just living in it. Pet snake named Johnson? Fucking classic. Zero percent chance I could ever pull off a line/move like that, this skinny turd is dropping it on national television to Selena Gomez.

By the way, that short sleeved blazer is fucking money. I need that jacket and won't stop until someone gives it to me.

Fantastic Dizzy Bat Relay Race Finish

So this was the scene on Saturday at the Sundance Kid's party mansion. 7v7 dizzy bat relay races and it came down to the anchor. Sundance Kid versus his brother with the whole fucking thing on the line. Bragging rights for the next 7 Christmases were definitely on the line. Sundance's brother pulls one of the greatest moves in Dizzy Bat history with the slide, grab the beer, open it, start chugging it all in one motion. Absolutely fantastic.

Navy SEAL's Dog at Funeral

Apparently this is a video of one of the Navy SEAL's funeral that was killed in Afghanistan recently. That's his dog refusing to leave his side. Probably the saddest thing I've ever seen in my life.

Two Skulls Get Broken

I think I have a crush on this little boy. (That's a joke if you're the FBI)

Jay-Z Responds to Lil' Wayne Diss

Azinger Pwns Obama on Twitter

UPDATE: ESPN is coming down on Paul Azinger for mocking President Barack Obama on Twitter. The golf analyst tweeted Friday that the Commander-in-chief plays more golf than he does -- and that Azinger has created more jobs this month than Obama has.
ESPN has 'reminded" Azinger his venture into political punditry violates the company's updated social network policy for on-air talent and reporters issued yeterday.
"Paul's tweet was not consistent with our social media policy, and he has been reminded that political commentary is best left to those in that field," spokesman Andy Hall told Game On! in a statement.
ESPN's Hall would not comment on whether Azinger, who won the 1993 PGA Championship, will be fired, suspended or punished in some way. "We handle that internally," he said.
President Obama has a good relationship with ESPN. He's appeared several times on the network to fill out his March Madness brackets for both the men's and women's college basketball tournaments.

PREVIOUS: ESPN's Paul Azinger is zinging President Barack Obama for playing too much golf on Martha's Vineyard during his vacation. The PGA pro, golf analyst, author and businessman took to Twitter to mock Obama, tweeting he's created more jobs than the President.

I don't mean to get all political here, but this shit is effing hilarious. The Zinger should be Ryder Cup Captain in perpetuity for these zings. Who the hell does ESPN think they are anyway? They're allowed to have that horrendous 'Baracketology' segment every year with Andy Katz practically shoving Obama's dick down his throat the whole time, but the Zinger can't lob a couple of innocuous tweets at the POTUS for playing a couple rounds of golf? Unbelievable. Keep doing you Paul, Tsar ESPN will get off of their high horse one of these days. God damn worlds about to end anyway with earthquakes, tornados, hurricanes, stock market crashing, Bengals winning games, might was well let everyone have a little fun on Twitter.

@PaulAzinger Paul Azinger

Facts: Potus has played more golf this month than I have: I have created more jobs this month than he has: #Marthasvineyard

25 Aug via Twitterrific

The Outlawz Smoked Tupac's Ashes

Look I know a lot of you are gonna laugh because they said they threw weed, chicken wings, and orange drank into the ocean for Tupac, but that's not a joking matter. I'm still having trouble accepting the fact that Tupac is dead, so this was kinda tough for me to watch. Plus Rick Ross's fat ass is out there yellin "Tupac Back" giving me all sorts of mixed signals. Been preparing myself for the anniversary of his death that is only a few weeks away, and if it's anything like the past 10 anniversarys have been, it will consist of me crying my eyes out while pounding a 40 of Old English, searching frantically for clues leading to the capture of his killer. I had a hot lead back in 2006 but the street code of silence in southside Ft. Thomas was too much to overcome. Orlando Anderson is a lucky man because if I would have got to him first his death would have been much more painful, still not convinced he was behind it though. I can't even describe how jealous I am of the Outlawz though if this is true. If I was approached by a genie and granted one wish, it would be to smoke Tupac's remains and throw chicken wings into the ocean. Does anyone know how to apply for the Make-A-Wish thing? Also was that a socially acceptable joke? Please advise.

Fake Breast Explodes After Being Hit With Paintball

A 26-year-old woman is recovering from a ruptured breast implant after taking a shot to the chest during a Saturday round of paintballing.
The woman, who has not been named, thought she was experiencing heavy bruising, but when she paid a visit to her doctor on Monday, it was discovered that her silicone breast had, in fact, exploded.
UK Paintball, which operated the facility in the South London town of Croydon where the incident took place, is now taking extra safety precautions, according to The Sun.
A statement posted to the UK Paintball website reads:

Due to an incident at our Croydon Paintballing centre on Saturday 20 August 2011 we respectfully ask that any ladies with surgical breast implants notify our team at the time of booking. You will be given special information on the dangers of paintballing with enhanced boobs and asked to sign a disclaimer. You will also be issued with extra padding to protect your implants while paintballing.

Paintballs travel approximately 190 miles-per-hour.
“Part of the fun of paintball is that it hurts a bit when you get shot but in all the years we’ve been going we’ve never seen an incident like this," a spokesperson for UK Paintball said, according to the Croydon Guardian.
“It came as a real surprise to hear that a woman had her implant burst at one of our centres and whilst she’s going to make a full recovery, we want to ensure nothing like this happens ever again.

You just can't buy chicks nice things. Guarantee this broad's husband has the decency to give her the wonderful gift of getting her tits pumped, and she has to go around treating those blouse bunnies with no respect whatsoever. Girl was probably bellyflopping off of the high dive and shit, too. No respect whatsoever left in society anymore. If you get $10,000 worth of silicon pumped into your chesticles, you better be damn sure to take care of those and limit any contact sports to motorboating and motorboating only.

Don't Tweet in South Central Or You'll Get Your Ass Beat in the Hood

This is what happens when you tweet in the hood. You get a suckerpunch right to the kisser. This shit is hilarious, reminds me of that Verizon commercial where that family is sitting outside and the dad tweets, "I'm sitting on the patio." I would love to know what this guys tweet said, had to have been something terrible to piss his buddy off this bad. Probably commenting on how white people are gaining all kinds of street cred and he's thinking about pulling a Sting and switching sides. Well so much for that because his buddy just showed the world that black people still hold the crown and any Benedict Arnolds will be dealt with accordingly.

Dude Dives Down The Fucking Urine Trough

Foxfields Piss Trough Dive Repost - Watch more Funny Videos

How fucked up does this dude have to be? I feel like I need to take a fucking shower every time I go into a public urinal. Just seems like there's herpes and hepatitis and shit just clinging to your every move. This dude took it to a whole new level sailor diving down the piss trough just nailing his dismount like Keri Strug reads about. Can't imagine the ladies are going to be feeling him after this. Walking out the pisser like he just got in a fight with Snowflake in a tub full of urine and feces.

Roy Munson is from Cincinnati?

No. 12: WOODY HARRELSON -- The Lebanon High School graduate came out of nowhere to replace "Coach" on "Cheers" in 1985, winning the best supporting actor Emmy in 1989. Movie credits include "Doc Hollywood," "Indecent Proposal," "White Men Can't Jump," "The Cowboy Way," "No Country For Old Men," "The People vs. Larry Flynt" and "The Messenger," the last two which earned him Oscar nominations.

So I was bored and decided to click on Cincinnati.com's list of most influential local celebrities, and found this gem. Am I retarded or something or did everyone else know that the Rubber Man himself, Roy Munson, a/k/a Woody Harrelson is from Cincinnati? And what is the bigger shock here, that he is from Cincinnati, that he is as low as 12th (easily should have cracked the top 5) or that in his film credits they don't even include his biggest and best role: Roy Munson in Kingpin. Hell, for my money there just aren't many comedies that match up to it.

Look at that versatlity. Guy should hae won an Oscar for this role.

Throwback Thursday, On Friday: nWo Wolfpack Edition

Hear those Bengals Growling...

You know what the old saying is, it's always hardest to win the third preseason game. That's it, book those hotels in Indianapolis for the first week of February, because after last night's dismantling of NFC powerhouse Carolina, YOUR Cincinnati Super Bengals will be playing for Vince Lombardi's trophy in February 2012. You don't just make a stud like Scam Newton look like that if you're some cellar dewllar playing in the Andrew Luck sweepstakes. I mean, you heard what Denny Green said, Who the hell takes the 3rd game of the preseason like it's bullshit? Noone does. This game was basically like a win or go home situation and the Bengals proved that they are who we thought they were: Favorites to win the whole damn thing.

Strike up the motherfucking band...

Apparently Steve Blake Has A Short Fuse

From a 2002 Maryland BBall practice.

Lil Wayne Disses Jay-Z

From the song "It's Good" off the upcoming Carter 4 album. Jay-Z diss comes in at the 2:54 mark. In response to Jay-Z's diss on the Birdman from the song H.A.M. 99.9% chance both of them planned this to create hype for their new albums.

Goodnight

The Black Manny Pacquiao

Jesus sign this security guard up to fight Pacquiao. Fuck waiting on Mayweather, I'm 90% sure this guy would knock Pac-man right back to Taiwan or wherever he came from. Tell you what if I was a security guard I would walk across the street after my shift and fight the first motherfucker I see too. It's bad enough that you gotta act like a cop all day and deal with people who hate you and don't respect your plastic badge. Security guards don't even get guns or handcuffs. Can't even operate with the authority to arrest people, which is the only advantage cops have in any situation in life. This guy probably goes home to one of those sassy black ladies who bitches at him for not makin shit for a living and tellin him he's not even a real cop and has a white man's dick. Family and friends don't wanna hang out with him because he looks like a snitch. The only friends he has are his fellow white security guards who only like him because they want to be able to say they have a black friend. And trust me no one wants to be friends with those guys.

P.S. How about the other guy claiming he whipped the security guards ass? Based on physical condition afterwards he didn't appear to lose the fight that badly, but he definitely did not win. I wanna give him the win so bad though just for being so damn happy after a battle with that wolverine.

The Snapper Turtle Games

This guy has so much overall swag it's not even funny. Not really sure what the object of this game is or what not but I will tell you those snapper turtles are not to be fucked with. Had 2 encounters with them this summer and almost lost a few fingers on both occasions. Toby's hat got demolished on one occasion. The fact that this guy is digging into the shell and pulling that things head out is simply amazing to me.

Rap Battle Gets Racist Volume 2

First we got white guys callin black guys the N word, now we have this? A white dude smackin the shit out some black dude and living to waddle around freestylin about it? And I'm pretty sure the only reason he did was because the guy called him white. I mean I take being called white as a compliment. Just imagine if he called him a cracker like the guy yesterday. I don't even know what to think anymore. Not really sure who's in the driver seat anymore. Maybe this black dude was from Fort Thomas or something I don't know.

Are these the Creepiest People on Earth?

Are these the creepiest people on the face of the planet? Of course these assholes are trying to get a reality show to shove up our asses. I'm not saying that this marriage is a sham and is all a publicity stunt, but these two definitely got married in order to try to get rich and famous. I feel like I need to take a shower and burn my clothes and chair every time I watch some video of these two. I'm going to have the uh-oh feeling for the rest of the week now. Sad thing is though that this fucking show will have an audience, guaranteed. People watch all those Kardashians shows, Bad Girls Club, and whatever other garbage you can think of so you know America will tune in every week to get the heebie jeebies from these two sideshows.

P.S. Everytime I see these psychos on some television show I can't help but picture Joe Dirt's parents selling clown dolls. Like these two are using their bullshit marriage in order to shove a piece of shit television show down our throats the same way Dirte's parents were using him to shove clown dolls in our grills. Public Relations/Marketing 101, seen it a million times.

Future UK QB: Highlands' Patrick Towles

Patrick Towles is headed to Lexington to play for UK next year. Here is a video from a recent victory over fellow KY powerhouse Boyle County. He finished the game passing 11/24, 201 yds, 1 TD, and also ran for 79 yds, 3 tds on 16 carries. He also led a drive to end the first half going 5/6 on passes on an 80 yard drive in 46 seconds, ending with a 30-yd touchdown pass. He is listed at 6'5" 232 pounds. The 3-star QB is rated as the 24th best QB in the country and the 4th best in the state by Rivals.com.

Man Arrested on Plane After Being Cut Off

A U.S. businessman who went into a drunken rage on board a transatlantic flight to the UK was arrested after allegedly threatening to stab the pilots with a shard of glass.
‘Petrified’ passengers claimed 32-year-old Tom Bradley was drinking large quantities of wine and beer before raving at passengers and attacking staff.
He was travelling in business class from Phoenix, Arizona, to Heathrow on a British Airways 747, but appeared to explode with rage after being refused more alcohol by flight attendants.

Witnesses claimed that during the almost 10 hour flight he was repeatedly shouting, swearing and stumbling around, while spitting at those who tried to calm him.
He then allegedly assaulted a senior member of the cabin crew by pushing him into the galley and demanding to know why he was not allowed any more alcohol.
31-year-old Lesley Lewis was sat close to Bradley on the long flight.
‘At one stage I could see him holding a broken glass ready to attack the crew and talking to himself,’ she told The Sun.
‘He was saying to people around him “I’ll stab the pilots if they want”. I and other passengers were petrified.’
British Airways today told MailOnline they made sure police were waiting for him at the gate when they landed at terminal five on Saturday.

Yeah no shit this guy spat at people and threatened to stab the pilots. Who the fuck are these British Airlines prudes to tell an American businessman when he's had enough? Listen, I am scared to death of flying so there are only two ways that you're ever going to see me get on one of those death contraptions: One is if I'm drunker than piss and two is if I'm so hungover that I could give two shits if that plane goes down. And God help me, if I lose my buzz on that flight and some stuck up stewardess broad refuses to serve me my eigth vodka soda, then the very least you're getting out of me is a threat to stab the pilots. There's a 77% chance that I'll just take the plane down right there. Only people that should be arrested here are the stewardesses.

Public Sex Cockblock

Make sure your sound is turned up, it's the best part

Call me crazy but I'm pretty sure this is the funniest/most bizarre video I've ever seen. First of you have these two 2nd basing the shit out of each other for the world to see. Obviously these are foreigners because if you pulled this in America you would be legally required to introduce yourself to your neighbors as a perv shortly after being released from prison. Plus that broad clearly has a bush and we all know those are for inferior people who need the extra insulation to stay warm because they're poor as shit. Whoever edited this video should be up for an Oscar because those two songs paired with the timing of the video was genius. I literally tinkled in my underpanties when the Shoulder Lean song hit and that overweight Borat came strutting up to these people. I could watch this a million times and I would lose my shit everytime that dude comes out of left field in slow motion.

Hipsters being Hipsters

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but this is exactly why I cannot stand fucking hipsters. What fucking point are these idiots trying to prove? Boo hoo you can't sell lemonade without a permit. Rules is rules, and if you break the rules, then you get arrested. Did these dipshits not think that this was what was going to happen? Cops gave them every opportunity to sotp doing what they were doing, then they get arrested and act like they can't believe that they are getting arrested. If these fucking hipsters would put half of the amount of energy that they put into trying to get arrested as they do taking showers, not smoking dope, and finding a job, then maybe the economy wouldn't be going to hell in a hand basket and Standard and Poors wouldn't have give our credit the same rating as fucking Uganda. If these dipshits think America is so opressive and horrible, then maybe they should just move to China. They try videotaping this shit and uploading it to youtube, thing will get censored like ya can't read about.

What's with one of these idiots comparing their 'Lemonade Liberation' with Martin Luther King and Ghandi? Fucking hipsters. If I was one of those cops I would have smashed that damn camera every day of the week, twice on Sundays, and four times today.

P.S. brunette taking pictures with a digital camera is a fucking smokeshow.

Rap Battle Gets Racist

Wait black people aren't allowed to white guys crackers? I was a hundred percent sure they could call us whatever they wanted, and just as sure we weren't allowed to say the n word. Like that dude was legitimately pissed about being called a cracker. Honestly I don't even know what the connection is between crackers and white people, so to me it really isn't an insult. Has to be bad though because apparently this white guy got a free pass and was allowed to say the n word. Well for those keeping track I think we are back to where we started as far as earning street cred. Just wait till tomorrow when a little black girl is punkin out Brock Lesnar taking his wallet.

Wingwalker Dies In Stunt Gone Wrong

A wing walker plunged 200ft feet to his death when his air show stunt went disastrously wrong - but tragically many in the crowd thought his fall was part of the act. As these terrifying pictures show, Todd Green, 48, had been attempting to grab on to a helicopter hovering above a bi-plane as part of a death-defying stunt. But as he reached for the metal landing skid on the helicopter he slipped and fell to his death. Many in the 75,000 crowd at the air show in Selfridge, near Detroit, Michigan, thought the fall was part of the show and that a dummy had been thrown to the ground. It was only when emergency crews rushed out to the stricken wing walker that they realised it was an accident. Officials said Green, a father of two, had tried to grab hold of the helicopter from a Stearman aircraft at Selfridge Air National Guard Base, in Harrison Township, on two occasions, and slipped as he made a third attempt. An ambulance took him to Mount Clemens Regional Medical Center, but he died from his injuries. 'I thought it was part of the stunt,' said spectator Jeremy Mitchell. 'Even when the announcer said it wasn't a part of the show, it still felt surreal. It wasn't until the ambulance came that it set in.' Photographer Ed Goodfellow was at the event and said Mr Green looked like a mannequin as he fell. He told the Windsor Star: 'Sometimes a dummy can be thrown from an aeroplane during air shows to create the impression that something has gone wrong as a joke.' And witness Arnold Sese told ABC News: 'It looked like a dummy falling to the ground. But when the emergency crews started rushing to the runway everyone knew it wasn't part of the stunt.' Jennifer Bradley, of Linden, was at the show with her sons, aged seven and 11, and said: 'There were lots of tears. We sat and prayed together.

Not to be a dick or anything but this is exactly why I'm not a wingwalker, because wingwalkers die. Feel terrible for this guys kids. But if I had kids you wouldn't see me trying to jump into a helicopter from an airplane 200 feet above the ground. Darwinism at it's finest here. Here's a link to better video. http://youtu.be/u2Mh3NcIOs4

Friars Wish Diarrhea Upon Bible Thiefs

It's often referred to as "Montezuma's revenge," but maybe now it will be known as "Tuscan friars' revenge."
An order of Italian friars, angered at a recent theft of bibles from their church in Tuscany, have prayed for the unknown bandit to be struck down with a most unusual ailment -- a bout of diarrhea.
As The Guardian is reporting, friars from the 15th century church of San Salvatore al Monte -- where Michelangelo once worshipped -- were irritated when both a rare and expensive Bible was stolen, followed by the disappearance of a replacement book donated by a local within a few hours.
Fed up by the thefts, the group finally posted a bizarre warning, printed in both English and Italian, on the church's front door, which reads: "We pray to the Lord that these thieves are struck down by a strong case of diarrhea and that this will be a stimulus for them not to steal," according to the Daily Mail. Other sources, including NBC, have quoted the note somewhat less delicately as reading, "We pray to God that the thief is struck by a strong bout of the sh--s."
Though the friars are arguably guilty of their own sins, such as praying for vengeance and using profane language, at least one of them believes all will be forgiven. "The language used by the brother who wrote the notice may not have been very clean," an unnamed priest told Italy's La Stampa newspaper, according to The Telegraph. "But the Lord, and the faithful, will understand."

Man, talk about not turning the other cheek, huh? Aren't these guys supposed to be holy and shit? Seriously, praying that someone comes down with a 'bout of Montezuma's revenge is one of the worst diseases that you could wish upon someone. Pretty sure the list goes 1. Impotence; 2. AIDS; 3. The shits. Because make no mistake, there is nothing worse than spending a day running back and forth between your bed and your toilet not knowing whether you have enough time to make it before your asshole starts leaking.

Stun Guns and Fistfights, Just Another Day At The Carwash

Is This A Rave?

If someone could tell me what the hell is going on here that would be great. The only thing I could come up with is this is what happens at a rave. Raves are one of the few things that involved every illegal substance in the world that I chose to avoid as a youngster. Just wasn't real big on being stuck in a crowd with the lights off sweating my extra strength Gold Bond caked nuts off. I don't even know if that's what went on but that was how I pictured it. Plus I look a lot better sitting on a brightly lit bar stool with drool on my chin. But if this is what a rave is like I'm going up to as many high school kids as it takes, and finding me a rave for this weekend. I love wrestling and I love porn that leaves a little to the imagination so this seems like a no-brainer to me. If anyone wants to join and knows what kind of drugs we are supposed to bring and stuff like that let me know. I have a feeling rave rookies stick out like sore thumbs and I can't handle being picked on anymore than I have to.

Who You Calling Psycho?

Not a good way to start the school year. 1st day of school and now everyone knows you as the psycho that tried to kill a kid with his bare hands for everyone to see. Not a good look bro. I wouldn't plan on fingerbeastin any broads in remedial typing class any time soon. And unless you have about 38 football scholarship offers from D-1 programs I'd go ahead and forget about getting laid anytime soon. No girl wants to wake up to the smell of chloroform and lime as she's being drug through the woods all because she didn't answer your booty calls. Next time try a simple knockout punch and walk away. 11th grade girls eat that shit up.

Antwan Odom Shot In Leg

WLWT.COM CINCINNATI -- A former Bengal has been shot and wounded at his home in Alabama, according to television reports. WKRG-TV reported that Antwan Odom, who was cut at the start of training camp and has not signed with another team, was shot in the leg about 4:30 a.m. Monday at his Mobile County home. According to the report, sheriff's deputies said Tony Gildersleeve came in through an unlocked door and fired two shots with a .410 shotgun. The first shot struck a wall and the second struck Odom in the upper right thigh, the station reported. Odom was hospitalized, the station reported, but no additional details were available about his condition. The 29-year-old Odom lost his Cincinnati-area home in March in a fire that investigators ruled accidental. The Warren County auditor's website estimated the Mason home's value at nearly $1.2 million. Odom signed as a free agent with the Bengals in 2008 after four seasons with the Tennessee Titans, who selected him in the second round of the 2004 NFL draft out of the University of Alabama.

This has Mike Brown written all over it. Why? Because it doesn't make any sense.

Delonte West Applying At Home Depot

Yahoo Sports: Delonte West(notes) apparently wants to work at Home Depot during the NBA's current lockout. And whether this is a Twitter joke or a legitimate attempt to build up his bankroll one hour at a time, can you blame the guy? The history of NBA players taking a gig on the side is long and unheralded. Some choose sneaker endorsements, because the sneaker companies choose them. Some, before the NBA really got off the ground, chose selling insurance in the 1950s and 1960s during the offseason. Former scrub Reggie Harding (who famously yelled "come on, man. It ain't me!" when a liquor store clerk recognized his 7-foot frame) held up businesses with a gun and a ski mask. On the flip side, Mark West became a licensed broker years before his NBA career ended. Then there's Ron Artest(notes), who famously applied for a summertime gig at Circuit City -- back when there was a Circuit City -- to take in the company's 15 percent employee discount. The Bulls quickly put the kibosh on that second job attempt once they found out what was going on. West? A free agent in a lockout that possibly might not end for another 14 months? This might run a little deeper. It's possible that West could be unhappy for reasons that are out of control, namely his bipolar diagnosis from two years ago that has at the very least shined a little light on why West sometimes acts a bit mercurial. At best, he reminds of former Spurs forward Malik Rose(notes), who moved back in with his parents during the 1998 lockout, famously sleeping in bed sheets adorned with cartoon characters, only to spring out long enough to help his squad win the championship in June of 1999. West made over a million dollars last year working for the Celtics, and he's made well over $14 million since joining the NBA in 2004. The guy should have a nest egg, there's no doubt, but he's also dealing with chemical imbalances that could either make his online fulminations worrisome (West might be out of money) or understandable (he could be sitting on a mountain of cash, and just working through some embarrassment over the lockout publicly). Either way, let's slow down a bit before we cackle away at a guy either trying to set up a legitimate offseason gig, or someone who might be working through his ups and downs online. Also, Delonte? We need a new air filter for our furnace. I write about the NBA -- could you work up a 15 percent discount for me?

Delonte West might just be my favorite NBA player not wearing a Pistons uniform, or who is not a former UK player. After all, hey did bang Lebrick James' mom, but that's just a drop in the bucket. I would have to say I fell in love with Delonte after I saw his KFC drivethru freestyle. There's also the arrest where he was carrying a .357 Magnum, a 9mm Beretta, and a Shotgun in a guitar case while riding a motorcycle. That's what I like to see out of my pro athletes. Now he's trying to get a job at the Home Depot, and you know why? What many people don't know is the main customer at the Home Depot is the stay-at-home mom. The reason she's a stay-at-home mom is because she's hot as fuck, and hot women marry rich men because then they don't have to work. Delonte and I happen to think alike, and I know he's just doing this so he can hit on hot rich women all day and get paid for it. And he will be pumping about 70-80% of the women that walk through that door, because black dudes have more game in the tips of their 12 inch dicks than white guys have in their entire bodies. And this guy also happens to be a well known NBA player. Game, Set, Match.

Terrell Owens Getting Punked Out

I really don't have an opinion on T.O., I used to hate him, but I feel like he's calmed down throughout the past 5-6 years. Actually caught myself pulling for him last year, I think because everyone counted him out and I always pull for underdogs. Anyways, T.O. gets punked here so bad it's kinda hard to respect him after watching this. I understand why he didn't go after this guy, he could've had a gun plus T.O. would have nothing to gain and everything to lose by whipping this guys ass. Doesn't mean he couldn't give it back to the guy. If I was T.O. I would've said, "yea well every one of these girls wants to fuck me and I can buy your life with one weeks pay so why don't you give me your number and maybe I'll let you clean my toilets bitch." Boom roasted.

American Hero

It's no secret that I do not like police in general, but there are exceptions to that. Rarely in my life have I had experiences with police that were pleasant and made me think they aren't so bad after all, but those experiences always stick in my mind. In college there was this one cop who busted me for underage drinking on three seperate occasions and wrote me citations every time. The first time though he found a fake ID that I had and took it, but didn't charge me for it which was nice considering it was literally my first day on campus of my freshman year. Anyway, he rolls up to a party I'm and of course I'm the first person he sees and I'm thinking, "here we go again." And what does he say? "Hey it's the police, everyone run! Just kidding guys I have two cases of Natty Light in the trunk 10 bucks a case." He was joking about selling it to us but he was cool just messed with some people at the party and left. It's cops like that, and cops like the one in this video that I respect and salute for actually SERVING AND PROTECTING us. In the case of the guy in the video he also protected us by serving in the military which deserves the utmost respect, and it's a shame what happened to him. If they find the guy who killed him I am 100% supportive of executing him on the spot without a trial.

Learn Something New Everyday

White folks beware, black people do not like feet.

Ravens Fan Gets Knocked Out Cold

I'm too hung over to blog, enjoy.

Guest Blog: Miami Football (Watch Video First)

To start, I have no fucking clue what a Ponzi scheme is. I also don't frown on college athletes cashin' in on a bunch of free shit, blowin' mounds of cocaine, or bangin' out some complimentary South Beach prostitutes. So in light of the recent black cloud hanging over the Miami Hurricanes athletic program, the 4horseman blog will take everyone back to a better day for The U.
In 2005, The U's football team was mediocre, but their rap game was on point son. Players living on the seventh floor of the dorm created the joint, "7th Floor Crew." This song is basically a tribute to all the floozies that went to that dorm floor to get a horse-sized cock train ran on them (I'm only assuming they have donkey dicks because they're black, play football, and this is my blog post so they're going to have wild animal sized cocks). Let's take a walk down One Filthy, Hot Fire Lyrical Lane.
These jet fuel lyrics crash down to the beat of Aaliyah's "If Your Girl Only Knew." Too soon? Fuck no, she died 10 years ago. Free game. The hook on this track gives us a great term for messin' up some hoe's stink hole. MUTTED. According to Urban Dictionary, mutted means simply to get banged by a bunch of dudes. However, this guest blogger will not settle for that weak ass definition. When the 7th floor crew spit out the word mutted on the hook, I know they wanted this word to have a greater cultural impact. This is what mutted means. Mutted: v. To treat a broke ass ho like a mutt. To tie her up like one of Mike Vick's rape mutts and run through her with an endless barrage of whale sized penises. There you go 7th floor crew, your term now has it's just definition. Next time you're at the bar, tell a girl she's gettin' mutted tonight. Bitches get insta-wet.
Alright, skip to T-Good's verse. He has the first magical line. Talking about the number on his football jersey, he says, "She thought 5-2 was just my number, then she realized, you multiply that bitch up, dog you get my dick size." That's right ladies, T-Good has a 10 inch member (5 X 2 equals 10 inches of dick). Oh shit, I just realized how this logic does not bode so well for our beloved Bengals new QB and leader Andy Dalton. God Damnit, he's #14, ONE-FOUR, multiply that bitch up and not only is the leader of our offense a ginger, he also has a 4 inch dick. We're fucked.
Now skip on to G-Reg's verse. A true inspiration for all of us big dick, white rappers out here. Yep, this is Greg Olsen, the blonde hair, pretty boy tight end currently on the Carolina Panthers roster. According to his lyrics, G-Reg should be one of the fastest dudes in the league. DUDE HAS 3 LEGS. While all these black dudes mumbled whack ass shit on their verses, it took our boy G-Reg to come through with some pure, filthy hot fire. Y'all know how fun it is to stick yo dick up in her ear then bust a 2nd nut up in her eyes? In her eyes, yeah in her eyes... F-U-N.
To round out the track, Big Beast and Hollaman bring us home. Big Beast gives the youth valuable advice, warning us to wear a rubber because you ain't out there trying to catch that die-slow (that's AIDS for the squares reading this). Hollaman says fuck that though. He fucked a bitch on the beach last night (SOUTH BEEEEAACHH) and she said her pussy was hurtin'. Before listening to Hollaman, if a chick told me she was hurting, I'd just slown down and take it easy on her (OR WAKE UP FROM MY DREAM, HAHAHA LOLz). But now, thanks to Hollaman, if a girl tells me her down-low is hurting, I say, "Let that shit burn bitch, I still want to hit that ass."
In closing, let's all take time to say thank you to the 7th Floor Crew for all the advice on runnin' trains and muttin' up some hoes. Also, thank you readers for taking time to remember the brighter spots of Miami Football during this moment of bad press coverage for them. Marvelous, bring the mutha fuckin' hook back man, I'm pissed. IF YOUR HO ONLY KNEW.....