Guest Blog: Miami Football (Watch Video First)

To start, I have no fucking clue what a Ponzi scheme is. I also don't frown on college athletes cashin' in on a bunch of free shit, blowin' mounds of cocaine, or bangin' out some complimentary South Beach prostitutes. So in light of the recent black cloud hanging over the Miami Hurricanes athletic program, the 4horseman blog will take everyone back to a better day for The U.
In 2005, The U's football team was mediocre, but their rap game was on point son. Players living on the seventh floor of the dorm created the joint, "7th Floor Crew." This song is basically a tribute to all the floozies that went to that dorm floor to get a horse-sized cock train ran on them (I'm only assuming they have donkey dicks because they're black, play football, and this is my blog post so they're going to have wild animal sized cocks). Let's take a walk down One Filthy, Hot Fire Lyrical Lane.
These jet fuel lyrics crash down to the beat of Aaliyah's "If Your Girl Only Knew." Too soon? Fuck no, she died 10 years ago. Free game. The hook on this track gives us a great term for messin' up some hoe's stink hole. MUTTED. According to Urban Dictionary, mutted means simply to get banged by a bunch of dudes. However, this guest blogger will not settle for that weak ass definition. When the 7th floor crew spit out the word mutted on the hook, I know they wanted this word to have a greater cultural impact. This is what mutted means. Mutted: v. To treat a broke ass ho like a mutt. To tie her up like one of Mike Vick's rape mutts and run through her with an endless barrage of whale sized penises. There you go 7th floor crew, your term now has it's just definition. Next time you're at the bar, tell a girl she's gettin' mutted tonight. Bitches get insta-wet.
Alright, skip to T-Good's verse. He has the first magical line. Talking about the number on his football jersey, he says, "She thought 5-2 was just my number, then she realized, you multiply that bitch up, dog you get my dick size." That's right ladies, T-Good has a 10 inch member (5 X 2 equals 10 inches of dick). Oh shit, I just realized how this logic does not bode so well for our beloved Bengals new QB and leader Andy Dalton. God Damnit, he's #14, ONE-FOUR, multiply that bitch up and not only is the leader of our offense a ginger, he also has a 4 inch dick. We're fucked.
Now skip on to G-Reg's verse. A true inspiration for all of us big dick, white rappers out here. Yep, this is Greg Olsen, the blonde hair, pretty boy tight end currently on the Carolina Panthers roster. According to his lyrics, G-Reg should be one of the fastest dudes in the league. DUDE HAS 3 LEGS. While all these black dudes mumbled whack ass shit on their verses, it took our boy G-Reg to come through with some pure, filthy hot fire. Y'all know how fun it is to stick yo dick up in her ear then bust a 2nd nut up in her eyes? In her eyes, yeah in her eyes... F-U-N.
To round out the track, Big Beast and Hollaman bring us home. Big Beast gives the youth valuable advice, warning us to wear a rubber because you ain't out there trying to catch that die-slow (that's AIDS for the squares reading this). Hollaman says fuck that though. He fucked a bitch on the beach last night (SOUTH BEEEEAACHH) and she said her pussy was hurtin'. Before listening to Hollaman, if a chick told me she was hurting, I'd just slown down and take it easy on her (OR WAKE UP FROM MY DREAM, HAHAHA LOLz). But now, thanks to Hollaman, if a girl tells me her down-low is hurting, I say, "Let that shit burn bitch, I still want to hit that ass."
In closing, let's all take time to say thank you to the 7th Floor Crew for all the advice on runnin' trains and muttin' up some hoes. Also, thank you readers for taking time to remember the brighter spots of Miami Football during this moment of bad press coverage for them. Marvelous, bring the mutha fuckin' hook back man, I'm pissed. IF YOUR HO ONLY KNEW.....