Steve Jobs Has More Money than U.S. Treasury.

(CNN) -- Maybe the cash-strapped U.S. government should start selling iPads.

According to the latest statement from the U.S. Treasury, the government had an operating cash balance Wednesday of $73.8 billion. That's still a lot of money, but it's less than what Steve Jobs has lying around.

Tech juggernaut Apple had a whopping $76.2 billion in cash and marketable securities at the end of June, according to its last earnings report. Unlike the U.S. government, which is scrambling to avoid defaulting on its debt, Apple takes in more money than it spends.

Steve Jobs has more money than America, literally more fucking money than America. Yeah I know he makes awesome phones, computers, ipods blah blah blah, but anybody that has more money than the United States is a fucking dickhead. What could you possibly do with all that money? I literally buy off brand everything so I can put fucking gas in my car, and this guy is walking around town with more money than the best country in the fucking world just laughing his dick off all the way to his stack of $76.2 billion.

Pretty sure this goes to show how many hippies we have in this country. They'll buy anything "i" just because it's like a right of passage for hippies. Next thing you know they'll be fucking medical procedures called iVasectomy and iTommysJohn and shit and I guarantee you every blunt smoking hippie in America will do it for shits and gigs.

Best NASCAR Song Ever

I know the RBG posted the prayer last week, but this is too incredible not to post. I literally just had a fucking tear run down my face. If this song isn't Grammy nominated by Monday I'm jumping off a bridge. No two ways about it. I'm not even kidding. I want Pastor Joe Nelms to follow me around singing this song on command. I'd pay a lot of money, and hopefully get a touch on his smokin' hot wife.

Chick Doesn't Slip on Slip-N-Slide

This little bitch is such a rookie it's not even funny. Everybody knows the key to setting speed records on a slip-n-slide comes down to soap. I'm talking multiple gallons of Dawn and reaplying that shit after ever 4-6 slips. If you want to burn the skin of your knees and break your fucking nose you'll do what this chick does and rely on the poorly constructed water holes that are built in. Not to mention, is she even on a hill? You're not going anywhere with this half-assed attempt at a slip-n-slide, just a disgrace to all of us out there that put the time in years ago so your dumb ass could do this shit right. You think you're smarter than me? Well you're not bitch so go get your nose popped back into place and get some Dawn.

Guest Blog: Underground Gays in the Military

THE WASHINGTON TIMES- An underground gay group in the military wants recruiters to reach out to the gay community in the same way they target blacks, Hispanics and women. The Pentagon’s ban on openly gays members is due to be lifted Sept. 20, meaning avowed gay people can sign up, those in the ranks can come out of the closet and the military will no longer discharge personnel because of sexual preference. What is unclear is the number of post-ban policies that might be adopted to meet the demands of gays and ease integration of different sexual identities. The group OutServe, which claims more than 4,000 gay and lesbian military members worldwide, plans a “coming-out party,” of sorts, in Las Vegas in October. The group has invited Defense Department officials to attend an OutServe Armed Forces Leadership Conference and expects hundreds of military personnel to attend.


J.D. Smith, an active-duty Air Force officer who founded OutServe, said the military should think of gays when recruiting. “J.D. Smith” is an alias he uses because the ban is still in effect.
“Absolutely, we endorse the DoD advertising recruiting for the gay community, just as they would any other community,” he said in an email exchange with The Washington Times. “The DoD regularly attends public events to recruit, and we believe they should be at Pride events next year around the country to let the gay community know the opportunities to serve their nation.


Pack your bags, and book your flights, because in October, Vegas is going to be hotter than Elton John’s dick in Ryan Seacrest’s mouth! If Obama didn’t feel like he’s bent America over enough already, he recently lifted the ban of pickle farmers in the military. In October, members of the Defense Department will convene in Vegas to participate in a “Coming Out Party” for the 4,000+ ass bandits (Army) and butthole pirates (Navy) serving worldwide. If Abdul decides to attack America, while our Defense Department is in Vegas playing hide the pickle, and decorating butt cheeks with glitter, I’m going to flip my shit.


Honestly though, outside of the Fag Festival, I really don’t have a problem with it. We should be targeting homos for the military. Fags have been fighting AIDS for decades. If they can beat AIDS, they can beat Mohammad. Plus, they’re good as shit at hiding stuff. Fuck, this one fag I know didn’t tell his dad he loved cock until he was like 25. I can’t keep a secret for 5 minutes, if Mohammad catches my ass, I’m telling him everything I know for a can of dip. If Mohammad catches a queer, the queer thinks to himself, can’t be as bad as the time dad caught me with 3 gerbils in my butthole. At this point, parachuting 20+ dick farmers from an Apache over Iran with dildo’s strapped to the ends of their M-16s, honestly isn’t the worst thing I can think of. Worst case scenario is we have 20 less fags in the world. It’s like my grandpa used to say, “Don’t cry over dead faggots”.


P.S. This blog was written by one of our readers, we will feature a guest blog every Friday so if you're interested contact us via twitter or email, I will say the slots are going fast.

Shortest Police Chase Ever

As my old friend T-Bone would say, "That there is a squa-doomp-doomp." I'm still laughing my dick off at how lopsided that chase was. This guy was literally 4 miles down the road, probably balls deep in a biker bitch, by the time the cop even turned the car around. Obviously the cop was a female because females are genetically incapable of going in reverse. Love seeing perps come out on top in police chases because they never show the people that get away on those TV shows. Everyone knows cops are fat douchebags that have heard the term "easy out" and "maybe next year" one too many times in life so they join the force in a mission to make everyone else's lives as miserable as theirs. And nothing is more satisfying than seeing someone disregard their "authority" and get away with it scot-free. Fat turd is probably still stuttering in disbelief trying to explain what happened to the chief.

California Man Fixes Hernia With 6-Inch Butter Knife.

GLENDALE, Calif. — A 63-year-old California man was recovering in the hospital on Tuesday after trying to fix a hernia in his stomach with a six-inch butter knife, police said.

The man's wife called police to say her husband was sick and tired of waiting to get surgery for his rupture and decided to take matters into his own hands on Sunday evening, Glendale Police Sgt. Tom Lorenz told msnbc.com.

While waiting for paramedics, the sergeant said, the man pulled out the knife and stuffed a cigarette he was smoking into the bleeding, open wound.

God Damn I am such a pussy and it's not even funny. You cant make this shit up. I totally feel this guy though. I've been to the hospital to get stitches and shit and it's literally the worst experience of my life. I'd put it up there with going down on Rosie O'Donnell and swimming with Jaws. It's right in there somewhere. You gotta wait like 6 hours to get your fucking blood pressure taken and by that point your wound is all healed. Not to mention you have to take out a second mortgage to pay them to stick a wooden stick in your mouth to check your throat. This dude said fuck all that noise and impailed himself with a butter knife and fixed that shit himself. Fucking cauterizing that shit with a smoke like he's done it a million times.

I'm all Boned up Vol 1

I know I'm a little late on this one since the Royal Mistake was like months ago nigga, but I just can't seem to shake this girl from position A *. This girl has everything I look for in a woman, starting with the most important: money, hotter than fuck, likes to party naked with a bottle of liquor in her hand, and her name just straight makes me sweat. There's no doubt I'm pulling a George Foreman and naming all my daughters Pippa I, Pippa II, Pippa III, and so on. All your son's/daughter's will thank me later.

In my wet dreams I always picture her as the sweetest girl of all time, a v card carrying member of the no pussy till married club, hell I bet she hasen't even seen a D before. But I know better, I've seen the pictures and heard the rumors, this girl likes to get down...A ski trip in the French Alps, nope just another Saturday night dual handy making Lindsey Vonn look like Sonny Bono. And if that doesn't turn you on go ahead and turn your dick in because you're fucking out.

*Position A is the girl/dude(for chicks and sundance)that you first think about when you close your eyes right before you take yourself to pleasure's paradise.

Wisconsin City Council Member Goes on 3 Day Drinking Binge

SHEBOYGAN - Sheboygan City Council members will meet in closed session late Wednesday to discuss the recent alcohol relapse of the city's mayor.

Bob Ryan downplayed his weekend relapse as a minor setback and said he had a couple of drinks at bars in Elkhart Lake.

Ryan says "it's not that big of a deal."

Ryan is an admitted alcoholic who a year ago said he was seeking treatment.

Witnesses say Ryan was rude and obnoxious and was making sexually explicit comments to employees and patrons at the Brown Baer Sunday night while drinking whiskey.

So every news outlet in America is ready to hang this guy like he committed treason or some shit because he went on a 3 day drinking spree. Unless you're some fucking stiff, a 3 day drinking binge is pretty much par for the course. I'm certainly not one to judge, pretty sure making sexual explicit comments and whiskey go hand in hand like peas and carrots. Can't a guy just go to Elkhart Lake and pound some whiskey while word raping chicks in peace? What's America coming too. He's on city council bro, he's not the fucking Dalai Lama you dick heads.

Crackhead Bites Head off Pigeon

Um...No blog necessary. I will say that I'll be inviting Gorilla to join my crew though along with the white kid that took on 4 black dudes and stabbed one with a bottle.

Throwback Thursday: Iverson With The Hoyas

I don't know that I've ever seen a guy that's 6 foot nothing put so many people on posters. A.I. was one of the earliest memories I have of watching college basketball, right next to the Kentucky Wildcats of the early 90's. Nothing I like better than superstar athlete, that is ghetto as shit because I love when the media and old people squirm watching a tatted up ex con rake in millions and the admiration of every kid in the country. A.I. probably could have made twice as much money and been considered one of the greatest to ever play the game if he played into the role of humble, classy superstar like that sellout LeBrick tries (and fails miserably) to do. But Iverson was one of those guys that didn't give a fuck about what people thought of him and that's why I pulled for him to win the scoring title over Kobe and all those other sellouts, and thank God he didn't because we got some incredible quotes out of him throughout the years. And is there any nickname better than "Bubbachuck"?

Of course his most famous line: "We're talking about practice. We are not talking about the game, when it really matters, we are talking about practice"

"I got white friends, I mean my lawyers"

"I'm human man, somebody that bleeds, somebody that cries, somebody that makes mistakes. I'm real just like everybody else. I'm not perfect. I make mistakes along the way. I've been in jail three times."

Redneck Wedding Reception Goes Wrong is the Funniest Shit Ever.

If my wedding reception doesn't end up like this I'm going to be so fucking pissed it's not even funny. This has got to be craziest shit I've ever seen. Groom going 2 for 2 on the taser is cracking my shit up. The whale bride wearing the Chuck Taylors just gets the hell outta dodge and heads back to the wedding cake, meanwhile her whole family is getting there salads tossed by fucking rottweilers, tasers and pepper spray. I'm all about sticking up for family members, but nothings worse than taking 50,000 volts x2 to the sternum because your redneck bro is being a blacked out dipshit. You bet your ass if that's Toby out there getting shot in the asshole by a taser I'm going to be at bar taking another Natty Ice to the face laughing my absolute dick off. Everybody knows when redneck wedding receptions hit the fan it's every man for themselves.

P.S. Doesn't it look like this is all taking place mid afternoon? This fucking reception must have started at sunrise.

Woman Wrecks 5 Cars Worth a Total of 1 Million Dollars

Nothing in Monte Carlo is understated, from the baubles to the yachts to the bank accounts. Now add traffic pile-ups to that list.The Hope Diamond of fender benders unfolded yesterday when three blondes in a jelly-bean blue Bentley Azure ($363,000) scraped the rear of a white Mercedes-Benz S-Class (a paltry $91,000). And that was merely the appetizer. Up for the main course were a hapless black Ferrari F430 ($186,000), which was hit nose-first by the 2.7-ton Bentley. Then, like two tankers mashing in the fog, a four-door Aston Martin Rapide ($228,000) crunched into the Azure’s passenger door. The cherry on this metal, plastic and carbon-fiber shattering souffle: a stray Porsche 911 ($77,000). In all, a Titanic mess in mere moments, involving nearly a million dollars of primo automotive machinery. How did this happen? A quick photo-based forensics of the scene based on knowledge of the Place du Casino offers many clues. What’s evident is that these five vehicles did not all converge on each other in one massive supercar big bang. The Bentley clearly was at fault. Its nose is pointing straight at the casino’s entrance, an entrance where fine cars are routinely valet-parked diagonally. It seems that the Bentley’s driver thought she could sneak past the white Mercedes, then swerved right when she realized they were going to collide, which in turn clipped the Rapide coming up on her right. The Ferrari and the Porsche were collateral damage - parked directly in the Bentley’s now diverted path. Any chance that the trio responsible for this mess — whose damage tally will easily hit six-figures — would get to scamper off anonymously after a quick chat with Monaco’s famously efficient and ever-present white-gloved police were dashed given both the coordinates of the crash and the time of year.

Even though everyone knows women have no business behind the wheel of a car, I am still shocked by this story. I mean, how can you possibly be dumb enough to pull this off? I'm pretty sure I couldn't have hit this many cars worth more than my life if I tried. If I was driving a $400k Bentley I sure as shit would not be trying to "squeeze" it through Mercedes and an Aston Martin. If I ever owned a Bentley I would mount a fucking .50 caliber machine gun on the top to take out any man/woman/child/car that got near my whip. Definitely not trying to squeeze it through any tight gaps. This bitch driving has obviously never worked a day in her life and was given this car in exchange for a lifetime of sex by some old billionaire because she has no concept of the value of a dollar. People will work their entire lives and not make enough money just to cover the damage in this accident. I know blonde women are dumb but I would have expected the driver here to cover the trinity of bad drivers: An old, asian, woman.

This Chick Has Determination Like Boss

I know womens sports are mostly just activities and in no way will they ever be equal to mens sports, but this chick has determination like a motherfucker. Straight takes a digger before the last lap, gets up and beats the other two broads. Not sure if that chick is superwomen or the other two just suck that bad. There's no fucking way she should be able to come back and win after sailor diving on her face before the last lap. Gotta give credit where's it do though.

New York Asshole Taunts Cops to Catch Him On Facebook.. Of Course They Caught Him

AP] — A fugitive from upstate New York who taunted police on his Facebook page to `catch me if you can. I'm in Brooklyn' has been arrested.

The Daily News says U.S. marshals and NYPD detectives tracked Victor Burgos down to an apartment in Brooklyn's Bedford-Stuyvesant neighborhood Monday night, sitting at his computer with his Facebook page open.

The 29-year-old suspect was wanted by Utica police on multiple arrest warrants for domestic violence and harassment of his former girlfriend.

I literally laughed my dick off when I first read this shit. Just taunting the police like you've got this hiding spot to write home about. If fucking Frank Abignale Jr. (google it) got caught, there's no way this fat mess of a dude was getting off the hook. Pretty sure if you're going to dare the Po Po to come find you, you shouldn't be sitting in your own fucking apartment on your laptop signed into your facebook page. It's 2011 bro, it's not exactly ground breaking science that they can trace your sorry ass to your own apartment.

Reminds me back in the day when your boy here used to just dominate the neighborhood in manhunt. People would be walking around me as I'd be whistling and shit trying to give away my position, but they were too fucking stupid to find me. Shit got old after a while and I'd just walk out in the middle of the street do a couple jumping jacks and onto the next position. I killed that shit.

Talk About Some Blue Balls

You want to know what the absolute worst way to make new friends in college is? Strapping a 90 foot rubber band to your johnstone and snapping it against your twig and berries. There is an absolutely 0% chance that I would ever agree to do something like this. Remember when people used to go around tapping your dick and balls and laugh it off and think it was the funniest shit in the world? I fucking hated that game. Used to get legitimately pissed off whenever someone would do that to me and just walk away laughing while I was on the ground crying in the fetal position. And way to go here trying to impress chicks with this stunt. No fucking way any of these sluts are going to want a piece of your now deformed jewels after taking a 90 mph rubber band to the testes.

This Thing Just Got Charged With His 5th DUI

Two Rivers, WI- Cory Smits, 29, was convicted on July 7 for his latest offense, which occurred on Feb. 12, the paper said. Cops said that Smits had a blood alcohol level of .29. They blasted him with pepper-spray to control him after he repeatedly hit his head against the police car's back seat.

The judge who handled Smits' trial took away his license for three years, ordered him to maintain total sobriety and to submit to regular urine tests, among other punishments, the newspaper said.

I'm not even joking when I say I don't know what the fuck this thing is. I'm going to go out on a limb and say this dude has never pumped anybody in his life, if I'm wrong it's because he's raped somebody. Dude looks like a gremlin and I can't even stand it. Thinning hair like a boss. Face tats for days, this dude has no fucking chance.

I have no idea what any of those tattoos are supposed to be. The half assed spider web on his neck doesn't seem to go too well with the fucking dolphins flying over his eye brows. I'm not even mad at the 5 DUI's Chris Smits has, everybody has bad days, his just turn into DUI's.

Former Wildcat Desmond Allison Killed Over Hat

COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) — Friends of a former University of Kentucky basketball player who was shot to death in Ohio say two women arguing over a baseball cap may have led to the killing. Malcolm Goff, 36, who was wounded during the Monday afternoon shooting, and witness Tina Underwood, 31, tell The Columbus Dispatch that Desmond Allison was talking on his cellphone outside an apartment complex when an ex-girlfriend took a cap off his head. Allison's current girlfriend, who'd given him the hat, saw what had happened and the two women began arguing, Goff and Underwood told the newspaper. They say Allison exchanged words with one of the women before he and Goff walked away. Later, they say, three men approached Allison and that one of them — a relative of one of the women — argued with Allison. They say another man began shooting. The 31-year-old Allison died at a local hospital. Goff was treated and released. Columbus Police Det. Michael Higgins told the Dispatch that police think the argument over the hat and the shooting are connected. He says police have not determined yet if the shooter was related to one of the women. No arrests have been made. Allison played at Kentucky from 1998-2000. In his last season he averaged 8.9 points per game and 4.4 rebounds.

So apparently Desmond Allison was killed over an argument stemming from a hat. While this is pretty sad, it's good to hear that he wasn't killed over drugs or anything suggesting he was back to his old ways. After leaving UK Allison had multiple run-ins with the law, but recent stories suggested he was turning his life around. While no one really knows what Allison has been doing except for him, at least we can give him the benefit of the doubt.

That being said, this is why I never wear hats. When I was a kid bitches were always grabbing my hat off my head and running away with it. While it was obviously a form of flirting, they never put out or anything when you catch them, you just wrestle the damn thing from their hands and by the time you get it back on your head the bill is destroyed, you got a grass stain on your jeans, and in my case you are close to lung failure. Eventually I just decided I wasn't gonna wear hats anymore, and that's probably the reason I never get laid because now girls don't know how to flirt with me. They probably do something else that I don't pick up on, but when I do figure it out watch out because I've been doing this ejaculation training to where I'm about 80% sure I can go over a minute before busting a nut. Never tried it on a girl but I've been training sober so I figure if I'm drunk it will offset the excitement of having a girl on the receiving end instead of my belly button. Anyways got a little off track there RIP DESMOND ALLISON.

Crystal Harris Says Sex With Hef Lasts 2 Seconds

(PEOPLE.com) -- Crystal Harris is moving on from Hugh Hefner, but not without taking a few parting shots at her former fiancé.

Harris, 24, said Tuesday on Sirius XM Radio's Howard Stern Show that sex with the 85-year-old Playboy founder lasted "like two seconds."

"Then I was just over it," she says. "I was like, 'Ahhh.' I was over it. I just like, walked away. I'm not turned on by Hef, sorry."

She adds that they had sex just once.

"He doesn't really take off his clothes," Harris says. "I've never seen Hef naked."

Not really sure who this bitch thinks she is, pretty sure she's a fucking nobody without Hef's 2 pumps. Honestly what is she expecting? The dude is 85 years old, has banged plenty of chicks hotter than you in his life, and you're the one to call him out for it? Maybe your ass didn't perform, ever think of it that way? You're in Playboy, not a porn star bleaching your asshole like Tabitha Stevens. With the amount of dime pieces he's fucked in his life, he probably took one look at you and decided you werent worth it. The dude set a pretty high bar like 72 years ago, and his dick piece has been raw ever since. I mean that marriage shit was as fake as Crystal Harris' tits, so if you thought he was walking your plastic ass down the aisle you're sorely mistaken.

P.S. Did you really want to see an 85 year old naked? I mean honestly. Dicks are gross and everybody knows that, therefore 85 year old dicks are exponentially gross.

Chinese Couple Trades Kids for Straight Cash Homey

You're telling me that I can get $4,600 trade-in on a kid now a days? Shit man I just traded in Tiger Woods 2011 and only got like $30 for that thing at GameStop. Li Lung found him a pretty sweet hole in the system here, just popping out kids and racking up games and XBox Live points like it ain't no thing. These Chinese know what they're doing though. Got a spare kidney just clogging up valuable stomach space? Trade that shit straight up for an iPad. Virginity just hanging over you like a dark cloud? Swipe that v-card for an iPhone. Couple of spare kids annoying the shit out of you? Boom, $9,700 straight to feed my video game addiction.

P.S. I 100% believe these two when they say they didn't know that it was illegal to do this. China is a fucked up place man. I thought trading your kids on the open black market was encouraged over there. Shit, they kill your kids for you if your wife pops out one too many chicks.

Is Little League Really Using a Juggs Machine Instead of a Pitcher?

I know you all think I'm probably going to rip this kid like I do every other little kid, but I'll tip my cap here, that was a hell of a catch. That looked like your boy RBG when he used to patrol the center field down at Hilltop for Coach's Corner just shagging fly balls like ya read about. The real story here is the pitching machine. That tag for this clip said it was in a league for 9-year olds. Since when did leagues bust out the Juggs machine and not allow 9 year olds to fire a little high heat at other 9 year olds. I could be totally wrong on this, but I'm pretty positive when I was 9 we were facing other 9 year olds firing 45 mph curves and shit, not a juggs machine that's going to put it down the middle waist high every time.

Guarantee this is a Little League game and not a Knothole game. No chance in hell a Knothole league would allow this. Little League was always for the pussies anyway. There were no leadoffs, everyone has to play at least an inning, you weren't allowd to steal bases. Just straight up bush league garbage.

Cop Catches Baby Thrown by Kidnapping Suspect

CHICAGO (CBS) – A kidnapping suspect used an unconventional and dangerous method of trying to avoid arrest early Monday – police said he tossed the newborn baby he was holding at two police officers responding to a domestic disturbance.

An officer caught the baby when the suspect threw the infant and the officer then started punching the officer’s partner, sparking a scuffle before he was arrested.

I never understood why anybody wants to kidnap a fucking baby. I mean don't these people understand once you have a baby your life is pretty much over. All fun goes out the fucking door. Not too mention there's no chance you have any emotional attachment to some slobber monster that's not even yours. There's a zero percent chance when I have a kid I'll be able to change diapers, I literally throw up at the smell of my own shit, no chance I'll be able to take the smell of baby poop, that shit is literally the worst.

But if I were to kidnap a baby and knew I was about to get caught, bet the bank I go out like this guy. Throw the baby at a cop, beat the shit out of the other one, that's how you fucking go out.

Former 5-Star Safety Commits to UC

 

Since this blog is supposed to have some sort of a local KY/Cincy sports feel to it, I'll post this here.

 

Former 5-Star safety Latwan Anderson has committed to play for UC beginning this fall. Anderson originally committed to West Virginia, then The U. He never played for Miami, instead running track. Because he never played football he is eligible to play at UC immediately. Seeing as UC's defense was about as good as my 8th grade Blue Team's defense last season I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that Latwans has a pretty decent chance to gain some early playing time. This is a big pickup for Butch Jones and hopefully he is as good as advertised because UC's secondary couldn't cover me last season. He was ranked by Rivals as the 15th best player in the country his senior year of high school.

 

We now return you to the regularly scheduled blogging of idiocracy.

Man Arrested at His Own Wedding

John Twombly didn't exactly get what he expected on his wedding night.
What he did receive was a night in jail and a mug shot.
Twombly, 31, allegedly became enraged at the wedding reception after he felt one of the groomsmen was dancing inappropriately with his bride, Khamla. According to a police report obtained by the The Des Moines Register the man seemed "very intoxicated" when police arrived at his wedding on Saturday.

Documents say Twombly approached and pushed Cullen so hard that Cullen lost his balance and knocked over a ceramic column near where an off-duty police officer was sitting on a stool.

Well, you know what Kramer said. "Marriage is a man made prison." Johnny Twombly was just trying to get a head start on his prison sentence, trying to knock out his time as fast as he could. Seriously though, good pick on your groomsmen here. You've got to have a better vetting process than that Twombly and explain the duties of a groomsman clearly because I'm pretty sure grinding your johnstone all over the bride is not part of the essential duties of a groomsman.. You've got to perform background checks and shit and make sure none of your groomsman have some secret crush on your chick. Because the absolute worst thing that could happen at your wedding would be your best man taking your new ball and chain to pound town in the middle of the electric slide. Hate to rub salt in an open wound, but you kind of asked for this to happen Twombly.

2 Crackheads + Mop + Chair = Worldstar

Either the big fella forgot what his dad actually taught him, or his dad was one of those fake black people. Even my dad taught me to always throw the first punch, it's the best advantage you can get in a fight, and he's the whitest dude you'll ever meet. Then you have these two idiots arguing over who gets to take the first punch, never been so confused in my life. Even I know that's suicide in a street fight.

If there is ever potential for a fight to break out, and there are black people around, there will be a fight. I don't know what it is about that race of people, but they will get you so amped when you're in an argument that you think you can take on the world. It's like you think they have your back, and they know how to fight, and next thing you know you're swinging blindly at the biggest motherfucker on the planet just to gain their respect. Just listen to them egg this thing on, "You won't do it! I dare you!" "He pushed you!" "He stoled on yo ass! He stoled yo ass!" And no one was happier that they did than me, because this is one of the funnier fights I've ever seen. Two guys who brains are so fried, that if they don't trip over themselves and crack their heads on the sidewalks they can both chalk it up as a win. And the big fella came pretty close there towards the end.

P.S. I told myself I would try to cut down on the worldstar videos and try more of a variety but I can't help myself, it's a goddamn gold mine.

Joe Nelms Has Game for Days

Damn dude, Joes Nelm has so much game it fucking hurts. What a power play if I've ever seen one. If you don't think that his smoking hot wife laid it down and wrecked his dick like you read about after this then you're dumber than shit. Chicks are always wanting to be told how good they look and shit and Joes Nelm just comes out on national tv and tells the world that his wife is a legit smoke. Boom, that's what you call a panty dropper line.

The Dancing Outlaw Is Coming to Town!

So about 15 years ago my uncle stumbled across a documentary at a flea market called "The Dancing Outlaw" and soon my dad had a copy. That VHS tape has since been converted to DVD and any friend or member of my family has received one in the form of a birthday gift. Jesco has become a part of my family, as he represents everything that we stand for. I'm not talking about his other two personas, Elvis and Jesse, I'm talking about Jesco, who as his wife will tell you is the devil in himself. So mean that he will withhold sex from her for months at a time, threatened to blow her head of with a shotgun (caught on tape), and put a butcher knife to her throat and threatened to end her miserable life. As anyone with an ounce of rebel in their blood would know, Jesco White has become world famous since then, so famous that the producers of Jackass made a follow up documentary on his entire family which you can see above.

Well my life is coming to an end, because Jesco White is coming to town this Sunday, and everything that's ever happened in my life has been leading up to this moment. Everything I've ever done was done to prepare me for this night, and if I wake up on Monday my life will be a complete failure. I won't be able to look anyone in the eye, and I will probably move down two flights of stairs and live the remainder of my days in my parents basement, staring at my 9mm until my pathetic ass gets the courage to do everyone in my life a favor and spray my brains across the wall. I'm convinced that I was put on this Earth to go down with Jesco White in a blaze of glory. I'm picturing me and Jesco huffing gasoline under a bridge with two of the grossest Brass Ass strippers $11 can buy, and in a police pursuit, the two of us being gunned down like Dally in The Outsiders. Can you imagine the attention that the media would give this story? We would be on the front page of everything, and finally I would give my family the reputation we deserve. At the very least I would like to take Jesco to the Pepper Pod and have someone serve him some sloppy eggs and just whip out my video camera to capture the ensuing mayhem.

How Much Money Would You Have to Have in Your Wallet to Go Diving in the Sewer After It

 

CERES, Calif. -- A Ceres man dropped his wallet inside a manhole and got stuck trying to fetch it, police said.

Jared Medeiros, 21, was in head first when Ceres police discovered two legs flailing in the air Friday. When police tried to pull him out, his waist wouldn’t budge from the tunnel.

The fire department had to assist to pull him out. When they did, about 40 minutes had passed. They assessed his medical condition and found some minor scrapes and contusions. Police said he was slightly intoxicated but not impaired.

How much money would you have to have in your wallet for you to go diving into the sewer after it? $100? $200? I'm thinking it might have to be somewhere north of $250 before the RBG is going swimming in the sewer with all the rats and mutant turtles and shit. If I'm walking home from the bar and my wallet falls into the sewer I'm just going to chalk that one up as a loss and go order new credit cards and call it a night. Because there is nothing that will blow your chances with a chick faster than being stuck in the sewer for 40 minutes while your legs flail around while you wait for the police to cut you out. Seen it a thousand times.

L.A. Traffic Officer Fired for Being in Porn Film On Duty

LOS ANGELES (Associated Press) -- A Los Angeles traffic officer was fired for appearing in a pornographic film while on duty more than three years ago.

John Dancler was dismissed Monday for misconduct on the job and engaging in indecent acts that reflected poorly on the city workforce, according to his notice of discharge obtained Thursday by The Associated Press.

The inappropriate acts include "groping the bare breasts, spanking the bare buttocks, and being straddled by an adult video actress in public," the notice said.


You can't fucking tell me you read that last sentence with a straight face. I've literally read it 17 times and laugh harder every time. I love how proper that shit is, "groping bare breasts, spanking bare buttocks" God damn that is cracking my shit up. I am not in the least bit offended by this either. You know what the worst job in the world is? It's a fucking traffic officer in charge of writing parking tickets and shit. John Dancler knows that too. He's doing his civic duty for all of us out there by banging porn stars on duty instead of writing tickets. Keep doing your thing John, don't let the Man stop you.

This guy looks how I feel right now

Huff Post- Dez Heal, a 13-year-old Virginia boy, is lucky to be alive after he was impaled by a bamboo stick through the neck, WSET-13 reports.

Heal and his friends were imagining themselves as ninjas, WSET's Mark Kelly reports, when Heal put the bamboo "spear" in his shirt. When he jumped, the bamboo stick pierced the right side of his neck.

Suck it up pussy my hangover/guilt today beats that stick in your neck everyday and twice on Sundays. Rub some dirt on that bad boy and get your ass back out there and roundhouse someone. This is natural selection at its finest this kid obviously doesn't have the ninja skills like old Tobys over here, but I guess its the old addage impale me once with a 20 foot bamboo death stick shame on me, impale me twice with a 20 foot bamboo death stick and I'll fuckin' kill ya.

Oh and FYI, I wish this happended in real life between me and RBG. I'd be parading my ass all around the hospital shaking hands and signing autographs getting my picture take with all the smoke interns. I'd come home from the hospital with a ticker tape parade right down NFT Ave. I'd have my speech all prepared: I'd like to thank me for being the best ninja sans Chuck Norris, I'd like the thank that fire nurse who just effed me in the bathroom, don't try to pull that baby shit on me girl everyone and their moms knows I don't precum, true story, and finially I'd like to thank the little people like RBG because without him being so slow, white and ginger I wouldn't be where I am today.

Update on the Bachelorette

Ames Brown quickly gained a reputation as a highly intelligent, poetic, analytical, romantic and sensitive suitor on ABC's The Bachelorette – with an emphasis on sensitive, apparently.
During a press call today, Brown admitted that he was so distraught after Ashley Hebert dumped him on Monday night's episode, that the rejection made him sick to his stomach. "I'm very, very embarrassed to say that was the only rose ceremony I went into thinking, 'Oh my god, this is almost a sure thing.' I felt so excited about us and our future," he says. "I think it would be hard to eclipse my level of disappointment that evening. ... That was an awful, awful week. I got out of the limousine (in a daze)… and threw up." Whoa, buddy. He clearly had strong feelings for Hebert, whom he says he did fall in love with after she visited him and his family in Chadds Ford, Pa. But, why would a man, who holds degrees from Yale, Columbia and Harvard, want to appear on a silly reality dating competition? "I've been single for quite a long time – more than a year. I guess I just believe that love occurs in unepxected places. For me it actually did occur on the show." But, don't expect to see him as ABC's next Bachelor. "I doubt that would ever even be an option, but I don't know. Right now, I'm just focused on finding the right woman to spend the rest of my life with and continuing my career in finance." Brown will, however, appear in the second season of spinoff show Bachelor Pad, which premieres on Aug. 8.

Thought I'd throw in a blog that our female readers would appreciate, although we don't have any female readers and my thoughts on this story will not make any females happy with the male race in general. I'm trying to figure out this guys angle here and I'm stumped. There's no way a guy is a actually a big enough pussy to puke after being dumped, so you gotta figure this guy is playing into his role as the poet or whatever the fuck this guys deal is. But he has degrees from like 3 ivy league schools, so there's no way he's dumb enough to think that working that angle will actually work. Women like to be treated like shit: FACT. And while being sensitive and acting like you give a fuck about their grandma that's dying from AIDS or whatever will get you in most of the time, it will only get you so far, every guy knows that. And I'm actually convinced this guy is ready to settle down and isn't acting like a doucher just to get laid. So what's his angle? Is he trying to hold on to his 15 minutes?

P.S. This guy is the opposite of Costanza when Elaine tells that one broad George is a bad seed and all of sudden she's all over him. Next thing you know Georgie is in the slammer for bootlegging movies trying to impress that woman. Rather go to jail than have the whole world embarrassed for me.

Chicago Summer School Goes Without A/C

CHICAGO (CBS) – It’s hard to imagine, but some children are going to school without air conditioning during this heat wave.

As CBS 2′s Susanna Song reports, parents with children in summer school at William Penn Elementary School were gathering Thursday morning to speak out against what they’re calling “unbearable conditions” in the classrooms.

“It’s inhuman for them to continue doing what they’re doing,” one local school council member said.

You want to know whats unbearable? Being dumber than shit and having to go to summer school. Seriously, all your other classmates are at the Swim Club looking at tail and dry humping the water jets and your sittin in class sweating your balls off trying not to die of dehydration. That shit has to be the worst. Like no fucking way you can concentrate when you know you buddy Brian is dominating the shit out of all the chicks in marco polo grabbing titties and shit pretending he's not peaking. Everybody knows whoever has the biggest can opener gets the ladies, and it's pretty tough to do a fucking can opener when youre sitting in a pool of your own sweat picking dingleberries out of your asshole throwing them at all the other losers in summer school. I'd be can opening like a motherfucker.

As far as I'm concerned if you have to be in summer school in the first place you don't deserve A/C. You don't see prisoners getting rub and tugs from hot Asians on king size tempurpedics do ya? That's because it's a punishment you dick heads, just like not having A/C.

Mike Brown Just Doing What Mike Brown Does

You Ready for Some Football?
Dear XXXXX,
We are excited to let you know that the NFL has reached a new Collective Bargaining Agreement that allows the entire NFL season to be played this year.
The NFL is the most popular sport in America. Our games are intense, unifying and meaningful to fans in the stadium and to those watching at home. We are thrilled to have a labor deal in place that will provide fans with a decade of certainty and that will allow us to focus all our energies where they ought to be — on the playing field. The upcoming 2011 season will surely be exciting, and football work will begin shortly. Our coaches will begin meeting with players, and the Club will welcome back talented veterans along with exciting rookies from the April NFL Draft, like top picks A.J. Green(notes) and Andy Dalton(notes). Whether all of that will take place in Cincinnati or Georgetown, Kentucky, will be decided shortly once we receive the NFL's operating schedule.
Two years ago, our football team swept the AFC North—one of the toughest divisions in football—and many key components of that team remain, including defensive coordinator Mike Zimmer and a defense that ranked in the top half of the NFL for three straight seasons. The area of the team that will change the most will be the offense with a new direction under offensive coordinator Jay Gruden and new faces at quarterback and wide receiver. The mix of veterans and rookies should return our offense to the top level we need, and we are excited by the challenge.
This year—like others before it—we will focus our energies on returning to the Super Bowl again. That's what we want and that's what our fans want, and our franchise has been blessed with great support from fans for decades. Last season we reached a record-setting 57th straight sellout—a string we hope to restart soon—and our games have been the most-watched television program in the local market for the last applicable 96 ratings weeks. This is great football country, and incredibly: 95% of the Cincinnati population watched an NFL game during the 2009 season (third highest ranking among NFL markets).
We are very grateful to our fans, we thank you for your patience during the labor stoppage, and now we look forward to a great season together. Who Dey!
Sincerely,

Katie Blackburn

Marvin Lewis

So that was the email that the Bengals' front office sent out yesterday after the owners voted to approve the new CBA. Whoooops a daisy. It's pretty well established what I think of the player's union and that I firmly side with the owners on this whole lockout. The players need to quit their bitching, they are employees of the owners, not partners with the owners. Suck it up, collect your millions, and continue to get paid for playing a game while I sit back here and collect nothing for blogging my heart out. But, Mike Brown certainly makes it extremely hard for me to root for him. If someone would have came up to me yesterday and said that Mike Brown and his family of dipshits were going to to screw something like this up it really wouldn't have fazed me. The guy's gotta be the dumbest smart guy on the face of the planet. Seriously, when faced with a decision on any issue during the Mike Brown error   era the Bengals have made the right decision like .00004% of the time. Wyche or Dave Shula? Shula; Draft or Don' Draft David Klingler? Draft him; Do or don't compile a football team that resembles something out of the Longest Yard? Do that shit 'til the cows come in. So, really making a decision on whether or not to send a letter saying the lockout is over when it really is not is a no brainer to the Browns. They send that fucking letter out everyday of the week and twice on Sundays.

But to answer your question Cincinnati Bengals: Yes, yes I am ready for some football. Let me know when you all decide to field a professional team for once.

21 Year Old Gets 3 Years in Prison For Faking Autism

Oklahoma- Some guys will do anything for a little attention from the opposite sex.

Take Mark Anthony Richardson Jr. for example. An Oklahoma judge sentenced him to three years in prison for his ruse in which he wore diapers and faked being autistic to get babysitters to take care of him, the Oklahoman reported.

The 21-year-old Richardson must register as a sex offender, because he grabbed the breast of the 18-year-old daughter of one of the two nannies he conned, the Oklahoman said.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Look I'm not trying to hate on Mark Anthony Richardson Jr. here for trying to hook up with the babysitter, everybody knows that porn script is outdated anyway, but I'm not sure I'm feeling the diaper move. Just can't possibly imagine that any chick is going to get all excited over cleaning out a pile of brownies from your Depends. Just doesn't work that way. Bro your 21, I mean you're no 10, nobody is denying that, but I've seen some of the shit walking the streets of Newport and I gotta believe there's a broad out there that wants a piece of you sans diaper. Much fucking better than looking like Beavis and being a registered sex offender at 21 for the rest of your life.

Pussy Kid at Baseball Game Cries When He Doesn't Get a Ball Thrown to Him

Look bro, it sucks you didn't catch the boll that Rickies Week tossed up into the stands, but that doesn't mean that it's fair game for you to turn into the Incredible Sulk and cry like a little bitch. That shit is like a game of Jackpot; once the ball is up the air it's a mad scramble to come out on top. You lost this round of Jackpot fair and square. The other kid is bigger and wanted it more, that's it. Instead you start crying and now all of a sudden you get the ball for doing absolutely nothing? Good luck with that attitude the rest of your life. You think the quarterback is going to let you pipe the prom queen just because you start crying? No chance. Walk into an interview and start pissing your pants and throwing a tantrum because you want the job? You're going to get run out of that business in no time. So great job here mom, just teaching your kid that it's alright that your kid can cry and pout and get whatever the fuck he wants.

P.S. I used to dominate the shit out of Jackpot on the playground, just catching the big money balls and spiking it in everyone else's face, too just like this first kid did when he caught the ball. Just doing that old Merton Hanks dance around the playground while all the chicks scoped my shit out. Of course, when I won I didn't go give all of my titles to the freaks and geeks that couldn't sweat my game.

Person of Interest in Wifes Murder Mocks Po Po

Huff Post- The estranged husband of Jacque Sue Waller, the missing mother of young triplets from Missouri, is denying reports through his attorney that he has been mocking search volunteers and impeding the investigation.

At least one volunteer claims James "Clay" Waller shot his middle finger at searchers, laughed and blew kisses at them, and otherwise acted in a harassing manner.

I've never murdered anybody and sure as hell don't plan on murdering my wife when I get married in like 10 years, I'm just not into that sorta thing. But if my wife was murdered and I was a person of interest, I sure as shit wouldn't be going around flipping off the searchers and cops telling them to fuck off and shit. I've said it once I've said it a thousand times, that shit will get you convicted of first degree murder and have you in the chair in no time.

I was about to buy into the whole mocking theory until you started blowing kisses, that shits fucking creepy bro. Sittin' there all single and shit trying to fuck the search comittee broads who are looking for your dead wifes corpse. Just not a good look bro. Unless your Scott Peterson if you take your wife out/she gets taken out, you better get use to giving yourself handys for a while because no one's buying your innocence if you go on a Tiger Woods rampage before the body's found.

Beavis and Butthead Set to Return!!!

Get More: Beavis and Butt-Head, MTV Shows

I could not be more excited for the return of a television show than I am for this. This show used to crack me shit up back when I was running shit in elementary and middle school. The old Cornholio and teepee for my bunghole jokes never wore thin, either. The part of this clip where they are watching Jersey Shore and ripping those juiced up meatheads and whores is fucking awesome.

This is How you Drive a Bus

Someone tell me where this guy was when Katrina hit. If this guy was running the show back in '05 there's a 175% chance that every last one of those idiots that stayed behind would have made it out of there.

Throwback Thursday: Jordan With The Wizards

Jesus I haven't cried that hard since the last time I watched Man on Fire drunk. And that was just his stint with the Wizards! I don't think there is any athlete, scratch that any person, in the history of the world that so many people have loved. The only people that didn't love Mike were Jeff Hornacek and Dan Majerle. It's mind numbing that there is even a debate over who is the greatest/will be the greatest between LeBroke and Mike. Flat out embarrassing that we had to wait until LeBrick's epic collapse in this year's finals to settle that, never should have been a question. Some guy could come in and score 100 points a game for 10 seasons, win 10 championships, and I will still look you straight in the eye and tell you Mike was the best. I don't care if that guy dropping 100 a night is my own son, I'll put that little fucker in his place so fast your head will spin. And I love that he did it in an era where I was able to see it, because old people love telling you about Babe Ruth, or Jim Brown, or The Beatles and claim that they got to see the best and no one will ever touch them. Well we have Jordan and I'll rubbing that shit in kids faces like you read about for the rest of my life.

Bill Gates Thinks We Should Reengineer the Toilet

(CNN) -- The toilet is broken -- and not because it won't flush.

This unsightly piece of technology, which everyone uses but no one seems to think much about, is in desperate need of an overhaul, according to the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, which launched a challenge to "reinvent the toilet."

The foundation announced $41.5 million worth of grants on Tuesday aimed at getting someone to reengineer the flushing porcelain pot, which has been in use since the 1700s.

For real Bill Gates? I know your fortune makes Oprah literally want to kill herself, but giving $41.5 million to reengineer the fucking toilet? Pretty sure they tried that shit when they came up with padded seat cushions, but that was an absolute disaster. Your ass would start sweating and shit which made wiping a chore, next thing you know your poking through and having to clean out your finger nails, it just wasn't a good look. Next to the pencil top eraser the toilet is literally the most basic thing in the world. Do your duty, flush the shit and be on with your day. We're not reinventing the wheel here Bill, it's a fucking toilet. I've got student loans that could use some reengineering in the form of being paid off for fucks sake, leave the shitter alone.

Campers Complain About Underwear Checks

LANCASTER, Ohio -- About 65 children attending summer camp at the Robert K. Fox Family Y were told Tuesday to lower their bathing suits so counselors could visually inspect the suits after feces was found in the swimming pool.
That upset parent Ibrahim Y. Haroon, who said his 9-year-old son came home traumatized. He filed a complaint with the Lancaster police.
Now the Y is investigating what happened and reviewing its policies, Executive Director Mike Lieber said today.
Feces also was found in the pool on Monday and two other times within the last couple of weeks, he said. That could sicken the campers and the counselors in the water with them, he said.

Spare me the fucking sob story about kids being traumatized because counselors were checking swim suits for turds. Your boy RBG would be the first one lining up for this trouser inspection, just trying to prove to everyone that I wasn't the one taking the Browns to the Super Bowl down in the deep end. Let me tell you right now, nothing turns away camper broads faster than the kid that can't control whether or not he shits in the pool. Also, the last thing I want is to be Spaulding fucking Smails snorkling around the shallow end checking out chicks underwater and discover a turtle head floating right in front of my grill piece. That shit will ruin your camping experience 9 times out of 10.

Man Gets Arrested for Having Sex With a Horse for the Second Time

Paducah, KY- The McCracken County Sheriff's Department investigated the case and issued a warrant for the 28-year-old's arrest on July 18. Authorities reportedly took Johnson into custody the following morning.

This isn't the first time the suspect has been accused of improper relations with a horse, according to KFVS 12.

In fact, Johnson was hit with the same charges in 2002 for a previous incident at Carson Park, the station notes.

Getting arrested for knockin' horse shoes twice ain't something to write home about. But let's hold judgement until Nathans Johnstone has his day in court. What if this fucking slut of a horse was making sexual advances and Nathan here just folded and sucombed to the pressure? Have you ever had a 7 ft, 1200 pound behemonth with a gadget the size of traffic cone trying to take you to pound town? Whatever happened to presumed innocent until proven guilty? Isn't that the shit this country was based upon? Like I'm pretty sure when the Founding Fathers drafted the constitution there was something in there that says if you get caught fucking a horse lets not assume guilt until the dude has his day in court. Nathan will get his day.

P.S. Literally trying to think of how having sex with a horse works is baffling me right now. Like, how the fuck do the logistics in this scenario work? Positions and all kinds of sick shit is going through my head trying to work this out in my head.

Nasty Nate Doing His Thing

CINCINNATI -- A former Cincinnati Bengal has been indicted on charges of having sex with a minor. Nate Webster, 33, was indicted on five charges of unlawful sex with a minor, one count of sexual battery and one count of gross sexual imposition. Prosecutor Joe Deters said at a news conference that the victim was 15 years old at the time of the first offense in 2009. Deters said that there are gun specifications associated with the charges because Webster had a gun with him during the encounters. Deters said the victim is the daughter of a former position coach with the Bengals. He said the coach was with the Bengals while Webster was with the Bengals in 2004, but would not specify who it was. Deters said Webster was in custody at the Hamilton County Justice Center and would be arraigned at 2 p.m. Thursday. Deters said he would ask the court for a high bond because Webster had threatened to kill the victim and her family if she told anyone about the relationship. Webster was indicted on June 9 but the indictment was not unsealed until Thursday when a search warrant was executed at his home. Deters said several weapons were taken from Webster's home. Webster was a linebacker for the Bengals in 2004 before being sidelined by an injury. He was picked up by the Broncos in 2006 and is currently a free agent. As of last summer, Webster was a defensive coordinator for the Bellevue High School football team. Calls to Bellevue High School to confirm whether Webster is still employed have not been returned.

Hate on Nate Webster all you want, but there's no denying that the guy has game. 99 times out of 100, if you wanna bang a 15 year old girl you gotta rape her. I couldn't pay 15 year olds to even let me fingerblast them when I was in the teen game. The closest I ever got was on my parents front porch under a blanket. Me and my boy kept sticking our hands down this girls pants but she would stop us and giggle as soon as we reached her pubes. So we kept trying but never reached our goal, it was just some kind of sick game she was playing with us. To this day I think back to that like "man I should have just gone for it, that was my only chance." Because make no mistake I didn't even sniff another vagina until I went to Brazil like 5 years later. (Another story for another day). And look at Nate Webster, the dude is hideous, and he's pounding this girl out, guns blazing (literally), and he's 33 years old living in Bellevue! Bellevue is the pits folks, and working for Bellevue high school can't be something to brag about when hitting on girls. Nate's obviously got Tiger Woods type game, so I say free the man. Any guy with that kind of gift would use it on any girl regardless of age, nothing to see here keep it moving.

Cop Has Dance Swag for Days

I'm like 97% sure this video is fake and staged and shit, but this cop is straight murdering the moves waiting for his elevator. If this is real though this guy has to be a stripper though, right? Shit, he's already got the moves and the cop outfit. If he's even remotely packing heat then he has to be the top male stripper in the region hands down (no homo).

There's a 100% chance that this is exactly what your boy RBG looked like last weekend, too. Just crushing the dance floor like you read about, crowds surrounding me, everyone trying to get a touch, beatin' 'em off with a stick and what not.

Dude Goes Awol on Car Dealership for Not Taking His Van Back

PORTSMOUTH — Unhappy that a Lafayette Road car dealer wouldn't take back the van he bought on Monday, David Cross drove "the lemon" back after the dealer closed on Tuesday and crashed it into six cars parked on the lot for sale.

"I hit the first $25,000 car I could see," Cross told the Herald. "I didn't hit a car under $20,000. Then I moved a van that they wouldn't come down on the price for. I moved it with the lemon they sold me. I just held it to the floor until I couldn't move it anymore. I took out seven vehicles, including my own."

"I was pretty crazy last night," he said. "I woke up this morning and wondered if it was a dream, but then I looked over and there's my bail papers."

Gotta respect this guys game. Gets all pissed off they won't take back his piece of shit van and he goes on a rampage. Mad props bro. That wasn't a dream either, you went Johnny Drama all over the parking lot to the tune of 6 felony counts for criminal mischief. Gotta love how brutally honest my man David Cross is being in this article too. "I didn't hit a car under $20,000," no shit, he knew what the fuck he was doing.

The problem is he let his wife go to the dealership by herself and purchase the car. You let a chick go buy a car and there's going to be shit wrong with it 1000 out of 1000 times. He's lucky the fucking thing had 4 tires and a steering wheel. Guarantee when she came walking onto the car lot the fucking salesman started pre coming all over himself knowing he was about to rip her ass off. Dude probably went and bought a Mayback with his commission check from this chick. Check the CarFax next time you bitch and spare your husband the mugshot.

I Know What Your Angle is One Handed Origami Kid

Greenhills - Nathan Boerner has yet to see an obstacle.

Instead, the 11-year-old Greenhills boy, born without his right arm, sees only challenges and opportunities.
A perfect example of Boerner’s creativity and determination is on display at the Greenhills library branch.
Intricate, colorful and downright awesome works of origami line the library window ledge.

Not only does Boerner fold everything from paper, paper plates and an Asian vegetable wrap into amazing shapes, he’s also agreed to teach others at a library program July 26.

“I just use my foot to help hold the paper,” Boerner says matter-of-factly.

My mom gave me a book on origami when I was about 5, I guess. I thought it looked interesting and fun.”
Patience, Boerner said, is the key to perfecting origami pieces.

Yeah, I'm sure you all are thinking that I'm just going to rip this kid for being a big puusssyy and playing origami and probably interior decorating and shit, but I'll tell you what, this kid is making a pretty strong move if you ask me. You don't think the broads in middle school are taking note of what his origami game is looking like? If you're an 11 year old and you've got moves like that with one hand, you're going to causing flash floods left in right. Kid's got more swag with one hand than I have with two. Chicks are going to know he's got the that finger game on lock and will be camped out just waiting to get fingerblasted like you read about by Nate Boerner.

Tiger Just Laying in the Weeds

While most everything that involves Tiger Woods is news, this one shouldn't be that much of a shocker. Team Tiger announced on its website Wednesday that Steve Williams will no longer be working with Woods as a caddie, ending a 12-year relationship that saw the two rack up 13 of Tiger's 14 major championships.

Here is the official statement from Tiger's website: "I want to express my deepest gratitude to Stevie for all his help, but I think it's time for a change," Woods said. "Stevie is an outstanding caddie and a friend and has been instrumental in many of my accomplishments. I wish him great success in the future."

While it might be a big change, it isn't exactly surprising. Williams has been working with Adam Scottsince Tiger has been injured, and the two seem to have a good chemistry together. Along with that, it seems that anything and everything that Woods can change to get him on a different path with his golf game would be a smart move, and although some suggested this back in 2009, it finally came Wednesday.

Williams posted an update on his website, saying, "After 13 years of loyal service needless to say this came as a shock. Given the circumstances of the past 18 months working through Tiger's scandal, a new coach and with it a major swing change and Tiger battling through injuries I am very disappointed to end our very successful partnership at this time. I have had the opportunity to work of late for Australian Adam Scott and will now caddy for him on a permanent basis."

I love how Tiger is setting this thing up. Everyone thinks Tiger is done, and he's doing everything in his power to convince people they are right. When the scandal first broke I admit I was hating on Tiger, but only because of the way he was handling it. I wanted him to come out and say "yea I fucked a bunch of white bitches, that's what you do when you rake in hundreds of millions of dollars every year. Straight cash homey." Then he started to grow on me again, because everyone in the media felt like they and the public deserved answers for why he was pounding broads everywhere he went. And guess what? Tiger didn't give them shit, just hit them with a "next question" after "next question." Didn't give a fuck about what the public thought about him. Now I'm starting to think this is what he wanted all along. Now he's changing his swing, sitting out majors, firing his caddie, just leading everyone into his trap. Go ahead and count him out, I'll be here laughing my dick off when he cruises to his 30th major victory with Bibi Jones, Tori Black, and Asa Akira waiting for him on the 18th green, just rubbing his Blasian cock in everyones face. You don't test jungle cats, everyone knows that.

P.S. Am I the only blogger left on this site? I doubt the readers mind considering I've was voted everyones favorite by everyone at the pool Saturday but I can't do everything around here.