Ho, hum, the Cure for AIDS

ATLANTA –  Two new studies found that daily pills prevented infection with the AIDS virus in heterosexual men and women in Africa, bringing new hope for someday offering a medical shield against HIV infection.

"This is good news. This is a good day for HIV prevention," said Dr. Lynn Paxton of the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, who has coordinated the agency's research into HIV prevention.

Earlier this year, another study found the same pills did not prevent the AIDS virus among women in Kenya, Tanzania and South Africa. But researchers now say that study may have been flawed based on the success of the two studies announced Wednesday.

The first of the new studies, run by the CDC, involved more than 1,200 men and women in Botswana. About half got a daily pill, Truvada, an HIV treatment made by Gilead Sciences Inc. The other half got a fake pill.

An analysis of people who were believed to be regularly taking the pills found four of those on Truvada became infected with HIV, compared with 19 on the dummy pill. That means the real drug lowered the risk of infection by roughly 78 percent, researchers said.

Take that Japan! You all are over there fighting off the Super Clap and radiation meanwhile, us here in the greatest country in the world are making up cures for the HIV. Boom! And just in time for the weekend nonetheless. Have at it boys and girls, no need to worry about catching that killer HIV anymore. Bring home whomever you want and just toss in one of these little white pills and all of your fears go away.

 

The only thing I'm wondering about here is that it only works for hetorsexuals. Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't only gays, druggies, and minorities get AIDS? Basically they could have just been like, "OK we found the preventitive for AIDS. Here it is: Be white, don't do drugs, and if you're a guy, don't smoke pole." Pretty sure your boy RBG found out that preventitive years ago. Shit, AIDS has never been anything but a joke to me. I'm a white, middle class, non-drug user that couldn't be more straight (except for my Katys Perry obsession). So congratulations to the rest of you straight guys that don't meet the other requirements, now you don't have to worry about a little thing like AIDS ruining your weekend anymore.

 

PS. I looked around forever trying to find a video of that Chappelle skit where he is Morgan Freeman as the president and he announces he has the cure for AIDS and tosses it to one of those white broads he cloned and says sorry for last night. Someone get me that video pronto!